Gremlin Island
by E-Rank
Summary: When Knuckles manages to snag himself in several of his own traps, Sonic and Tails fly to the Emerald Shrine to help. But none of them expected to get tangled up in something much larger.
1. Angel Island

_Content warnings_ : Series-standard slapstick/violence/peril.

 _Spoilers_ : Anything that's not Mania/Forces is fair game.

 _Universe_ : 99.9% gameverse, but picks up a few "habits" from other media such as _Sonic X._

 _Continuity_ : A knowledge of _Sonic 3 & Knuckles_ in particular would be helpful while reading this fic.

Also, this story follows (and makes gag references to) my previous adventure fic, _Sonic and the_ _Golden Journey_. That said, knowledge of that story is not crucial.

* * *

 **Angel Island**

If summer days on the ocean could be ranked, this one would have taken the Olympic Gold. The blue sky pierced the clouds, scattering the sunlight into a more manageable intensity as it reflected off the ocean's waves. The further diffraction left the whole scene with an ambient bright cheeriness. A mild smell of salt riding a light breeze punctuated the serenity of the day. It was perfect, and it was peaceful.

Or at least it _would_ have been peaceful, if the scene wasn't messily bisected by a roaring, 90's era biplane.

"And you're _sure_ those chili dogs weren't past their expiration date?"

And when said plane was occupied by a blue hedgehog and a twin-tailed fox, well, all bets on sanity were off.

Sonic the Hedgehog sighed at his sidekick, but when he realized the rushing wind was louder than his sigh, he made sure to roll his eyes too.

"Yes, Tails, I'm sure. Like I said, I _was_ sucked into the story of Goldilocks, I was _not_ hallucinating from indigestion, and I did _not_ write and illustrate that book you found."

"I...alright. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that."

"Oy. Thanks. So, what does the tracker say about Angel Island?"

Tails looked at his console. "We're pretty close to its current location. It should only be a few minutes now. Good thing Knuckles was able to reach me; it sounds like he got badly stuck in those traps of his."

"Ha! That's Knuckles for you."

"To be fair, you have to give him a little credit. He's been guarding the Master Emerald all of his life, and this is the first time his own traps have gotten him stuck like this."

"Sure ain't the first time he's done something stupid though...oh hey! There it is!"

Sure enough, as Sonic pointed, the tip of a mountain began to come into view. The marvel of the world's only levitating, traveling island, complete with its own climate and multiple seasons, was enough to render most people speechless. Sonic and Tails, though, had spent considerable time on the island, starting from their first meeting with Knuckles to several later visits.

Knuckles the Echidna was the last of his kind, the sole descendant of a proud warrior race whose civilization revolved around the Master Emerald. As its chosen guardian, Knuckles had lived his whole life alone on Angel Island, protecting the Master Emerald from any and all threats. The Emerald was an immensely powerful gem the size of a small car. By its power, the island floated nearly a mile above the ocean's surface, moving constantly as to be difficult to track.

Tails, however, had the benefit of being one of Knuckles' few friends, a fact he was thankful for when, after touching down on the island, he came upon its sole owner. For Knuckles, in addition to being unfamiliar with popular culture and somewhat gullible, also had a temper rivaling that of a dyspeptic insomniac honey badger following a particularly toxic breakup.

Knuckles was suspended above a deep pit, against a stone slab. His limbs were tangled up in too many vines to count. One leg was bent up at what must have been a very uncomfortable angle, for his shoe was pressing his nose sideways. The corner of one of his socks had been singed off.

The beads of sweat on the echidna's forehead, the vine stains on his normally-white gloves, the shredded brush everywhere surrounding him, pointed to a recent tantrum of brobdingnagian proportions. And while Tails was mostly glad he wasn't around for it, there was still a lingering morbid curiosity on the whole matter. By now, Knuckles had apparently gone from Mt. Vesuvius to smoldering lava, a picture aided by the bright red fur he sported. As Tails approached, he stared, still breathing heavily.

"Oh wow...Knuckles. I'm so glad you're wearing the communication watch I gave you. I can't imagine if you hadn't been able to contact me…"

Knuckles nodded gruffly, but Tails could see the deep relief in his eyes as he finally spoke. "Sonic doesn't know about this, I hope?"

The young fox said nothing, instead reaching backwards to twiddle one of his own tails. It was, unfortunately, a gesture Knuckles knew all too well.

"Oh no. Tell me you didn't."

Tails again said nothing, but the raucous laughter of one dreaded blue clown rendered the question moot.

"Knuckles! Man, you look awesome! Why didn't you tell me you wanted to **hang out**?"

The echidna glared at the fox. "This is _exactly_ why I told you to come alone."

"I...I'm really sorry! I just, um, I've seen your traps before and I knew I would need help. Sonic will be on his best behavior though!"

"'course I will! Hey Tails, can I borrow the Miles Electric for a sec?"

"Sonic, if you even _think_ of photo-documenting this, I'll free my own self and then throw you in the ocean."

"Ha! You can't break out of that…" Sonic began, before looking back at the infinitely vast ocean, blanching, and then taking a step back. He turned to Tails. "... _can_ he?"

"Honestly? I wouldn't push it. You've seen the kind of feats he can accomplish when angry."

"I'm _already_ angry!"

"Maybe we should just leave him here until he cools off?"

Tails shrugged. "Okay."

Sonic did a double-take. "Wait, really?"

"Sure, I'll just tell him a story while he waits. So Knuckles, about Sonic's latest 'adventure'..."

"Whh-okay! Let's free him."

Knuckles raised an eye ridge. "Suddenly, I would almost rather hear this."

"No no, there's no time to waste!"

Sonic and Knuckles boasted a collective thirty-one years as opposed to Tails' eight. But sometimes, the fox wondered if the opposite was true.

He glanced at his handheld. "Alright, judging by the tension on each of these vines, you're going to have to remove the one wrapped on his left thumb first, but watch out for-"

Sonic leapt over the pit, hooking his legs to hang upside-down on some vines above Knuckles. A hole in the wall immediately spewed fire in Sonic's direction, and he reacted by curling his body upwards. The fire blasted under his back, missing by a narrow margin.

"That was close!" he hooted, "Talk about toasted buns!"

Tails cringed. "..the traps, Sonic. Please watch out for the traps."

"Toasted _buns_ ," Sonic repeated mid-snicker, "get it?"

"Sonic…" Knuckles began in a threatening tone, "would you pull your comedy-suicide act when I'm _not_ stuck next do you?"

Sonic grinned widely as he pulled the first vine off. "Right, right. Sorry, ol' buddy!"

Tails scanned his handheld again. "There's a wall of spikes that's configured to snap down if you remove any more vines. Knuckles, you need to pull your arms together to keep that set taut."

Knuckles pulled, in the process separating a gap between two large rocks and revealing some machinery.

"OK Sonic, I'm going to disable those electronics, but I need you to be Knuckles' lookout. I bet there's a failsafe in here that could cause the spikes to come down when I tamper with it."

"Sure!" said a chipper Sonic. "I was enjoying the faces he was making anyway."

Tails set down the Miles Electric and flew over to the gap with his multi-tool. He spent a few moments murmuring to himself and rearranging groups of wires.

A low hissing began to sound. By the time Tails saw the jet of fire headed for him, Sonic had already yanked him to safety.

"O-oh, it, uh..." said Tails, trying hard to keep his voice steady, "I guess it had _multiple_ failsafes. Thanks..."

"Any day! Now what?"

"Well, I _was_ trying to do this the slow and safe way, but it now seems there isn't one…"

Sonic laughed. "That's what I've been saying my whole life!"

Knuckles groaned.

"So what we need to do is cut all the vines at once and just avoid the spikes. Knuckles, do you think you can pull them in a straight line?"

Knuckles nodded and contorted himself into a position more suitable for the Twister Enthusiast Club that met on Tuesday nights in Station Square. The vines lined up.

Tails flew underneath Knuckles, held his arms out, and also nodded.

They both looked at Sonic, who hadn't moved an inch.

"...well?!" grunted Knuckles.

"Actually," mused Sonic, "the face you're making right now is _even better..._ "

"Will you just get on with it already?!"

"What's the magic wo-o-o-ord?"

"... _ **please.**_ "

Tails knew better than to assume the strangled edge in Knuckles' voice had resulted from the innumerable vines presently giving him a group hug.

Sonic swung himself onto solid ground, then broke into a sprint and leapt across the pit with a spin attack that sliced all the vines in a row. Still immobilized, Knuckles dropped right before a jaw of spikes swung from the top and smashed into the rock wall. For good measure, several blasts of fire and some flying hammers also filled the air.

Tails caught Knuckles below the trap zone and flew him to solid ground, where he began the arduous task of pulling the severed vines off his limbs.

Sonic finished ribbon dancing with a loose vine, then took a bow. "And that, my friends, is the real super power of teamwork!"

The echidna groaned. "I thought we agreed to never speak of that again."

"Aw come on, ya wet blanket. We made a great team."

"I don't work with lunatics if I can help it," Knuckles mumbled as he continued to detangle himself.

Sonic smirked. "Oh I _forgot_ , you only work with evil dictators."

Knuckles' head snapped up.

Tails' eyes widened. "Umm, Sonic? You probably shouldn't—"

Sonic held up a hand. "Right, right, my bad…"

He shortened his vine using the quills on his back, and then held it up to his nose as a makeshift mustache. Clearing his throat, he put on the gruffest voice he could manage:

"...so you _must_ trust me now, huh?"

"That DOES IT!" roared Knuckles. He made a dive for Sonic, who calmly sidestepped.

The hedgehog turned to his sidekick. "I mean, can you _believe_ this guy? We save him, and then he- woah!"

Knuckles yanked a vine near Sonic's feet, causing him to fall on his face. Before the hedgehog could recover, he found himself on the business end of a flying tackle.

Tails chased the screaming, flailing ecosystem of arms, feet and vines as it bounded around like a possessed ball of yarn.

"Guys! Please don't fight here! It's not saf-yaah!"

The loop of one such vine caught Tails by the foot, and he too became a valuable part of the ecosystem.

A few moments later, the ball rolled to a stop at the very edge of the pit. Its three mammalian members, hopelessly entangled by now, watched a few pebbles fall into the seemingly-endless darkness.

"Okay, okay, don't panic," panted Tails, "we just have to figure out how to shift our weight to roll _away_ from the edge."

From the top of the rock wall, a burst of confetti shot into the air. Sonic raised an eye ridge.

"Uhh..."

A single flake of confetti fluttered down to land on the hero-vine ball. Six eyes trailed it warily.

The ball slowly tilted towards the pit, wobbled, then settled back where it was. Six lungs deflated in relief.

The confetti exploded. Six vocal chords put on their best performance.

XXX

Elsewhere on the planet, two sentient robots rested in a dark lair, each silently staring the other down. After a few tense moments, one spoke.

"Do you have any two-thirds?"

"Go fish."

"Aw, bolts. Avocado Constants?"

"It's _Avogadro_. Go fish again."

The yellow robot threw his cards down. "You're cheating, Orbot!"

The other, red-painted robot, shook his head. "Cubot, how could I possibly be cheating? If I had either of those cards in hand, you would know."

Cubot tilted his head. "How?"

"Well," Orbot began, raising a pointer finger, "Avogadro's Constant is a twenty-four-digit number, so the card is three feet long. And two-thirds is expressed in decimal form, so it had to be printed on a möbius strip."

Cubot's head had tilted so far, it was upside-down.

"And anyway," Orbot continued, " _you_ obviously don't have those cards either."

"...I don't? How can you tell?"

"Never you mind, friend. If Dr. Eggman ever returns, I'll ask him to provide us with a more typical deck."

"Maybe he can install me some reading software too..."

As if on cue, the doors to the lair burst open and its owner barged in. On most days, it would have been fairly obvious from the man's commanding presence that he was the boss of this lab, but today, he seemed... _off._

Orbot dropped his cards and hovered up. "Doctor! We haven't seen you in forever! Where have you been?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Eggman replied tersely.

"Why are you covered in dirt and sweat?" asked Cubot.

"And where's your hoverpod?" continued Orbot.

"I walked. And **I don't want to talk about it.** "

Eggman shoved his robot lackeys aside as he stormed further into his lab.

Orbot nodded. "Alright, Doctor, we can respect that..."

" _Thank_ you," grumbled Eggman.

"...after all, you're more precious than gold to us."

Eggman made a strangled noise and halted in his tracks. Orbot had intended to continue, but suddenly felt the urge to stifle it. He retracted his declarative finger.

"You know what else is _golden_ , Orbot?" asked a dangerously low voice, " _Silence."_

"Yeah, Doc!" chattered an oblivious Cubot, "So if you don't want to tell us why you look so rattled, we'll just have to grin and bear it!"

For no reason Orbot could discern, Eggman launched into a fit of hysterical screaming.

Cubot blinked. "Was it something I said?"

Orbot shrugged, and then ducked as Eggman kicked Cubot across the room and into a pile of equipment.

" _BLASTING BLAST ALL THE BLASTWORTHY BLASTABLE BLASTED_ —"

As Cubot got back up, several cardboard boxes fell, knocking some switches on a control panel that had long been hidden by newer inventions. A nearby monitor flickered to life.

Overtaken by curiosity, Eggman stopped shrieking and walked over to have a look.

"I...had forgotten about this contraption. Does it really still work?" he mused.

Cubot edged himself away from Eggman's feet.

Meanwhile, Orbot recognized a valuable chance to change the subject. He collapsed into a compact sphere and rolled towards the doctor. "What is it?"

"This machine is...quite old. See, years before I built you two, the first Death Egg had crashed on Angel Island, where that idiot echidna lives. I managed to fool him by telling him that Sonic and Tails, whom he hadn't yet met, were out to steal his Master Emerald.

"This accomplished two things: one, he antagonized them at every turn, slowing their progress greatly. Two, he gave me permission to install all manner of defense systems on his island while a larger base there served as a rebuilding station and launching pad for the Death Egg. Eventually, I stole the Master Emerald while Knuckles and Sonic were trading blows, and re-launched the Death Egg."

"And then what happened?"

Eggman's expression soured again. "And then the three of them banded together and foiled me anyway. I hate them _so_ _ **much.**_ "

Orbot flinched. "Er, so what does this machine do, again?"

"...right. I used it to monitor the defense systems I built all over the island. Considering this was years ago and Knuckles hates me now, I doubt any of that is still in place. But let's try it anyway."

Eggman flicked a few more dusty switches. The gridlined CRT screen lit up like a Minesweeper game-over. He raised an eyebrow.

"There's _that_ much left? How very interesting."

"And plot-relevant," Orbot added.

"Indeed, although this primitive thing doesn't tell me nearly as much as I'd like…" Eggman observed before noticing his other robot far across the room. "Cubot, get over here!"

Cubot collapsed into his compact form. A few moments of silence passed before he popped out again, sweating oil bullets.

"Doctor! There's something wrong! I can't roll!"

"Of course you can't roll."

"But Orbot rolls!"

"Yes, Orbot is an orb. You, _Cubot_ , are a cube."

Cubot gasped, an impossible action considering his distinct lack of lungs. "I am!?"

"GET OVER HERE, NOW."

Cubot pressed his index fingers together and skulked over to Eggman. The doctor shoved a few items off a nearby desk and connected a wire from the older machinery into a port on Cubot's back. Grabbing a keyboard, he spent a minute typing commands. Cubot's head rotated back and his eyes projected a holographic screen in the air, showing a far more detailed map of the island with the same areas as before lit up in green blips.

A red blip appeared next to one such green.

Eggman broke into a chortle. "Knuckles got himself caught in one of my traps! My day just got a little better."

Two more blips appeared: one blue, and a smaller, orange-brown one.

Eggman stiffened in surprise. "That's…!"

The green blip expanded, engulfing the three foreigners. A descending whistle played.

Eggman leaned forward, entranced. "And then they all _fell_."

"That's gotta hurt!" Cubot announced to the ceiling.

Eggman paced in a slow circle, stroking his disheveled mustache.

"So...considering the path they fell down, they should take a while to get back out. And then considering recent events...if I then...I could..." he paused, a wicked grin spreading across his face. " _Ohh_ ho ho, this is _rich..._ "

Eggman cracked his knuckles and typed a flurry of keys on the console. The sound echoed like machine-gun fire.

Orbot's head rotated as he watched a series of plans begin to cluster on the screen. "I didn't know you were planning to steal the Master Emerald."

Eggman adjusted his glasses, somehow reflecting a glint of light even though the lair was dark.

"Neither did I, Orbot. Neither did I. But there's nothing more delicious than the chance for revenge."

* * *

 _Author's Note:_ Fear not; there's a lot of Angel Island here, but this isn't going to be a generic re-telling of S3&K.


	2. Hydrocity

**Hydrocity**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," said Sonic.

"Sonic…" whined Tails, his ears flattening against his head, "we stopped falling four minutes ago."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Okay, never mind. He clearly recognizes this place, as do I. After untangling ourselves, we fixed our descent sharply to the left to land on this ledge. This is definitely Hydrocity."

Knuckles lifted a hand off his ear. "Did you say something?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"This is Hydrocity!" Tails yelled louder.

"Yes," Knuckles hollered back, "but it's actually pronounced _Hydrocity_ …"

"Hydrocity? Really? I always thought it was Hydrocity…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"My ancestors built this place. I should know. It's definitely Hydrocity, and definitely _not_ Hydrocity."

"AAAAAAaaaaaa...aaaa…a…" Sonic trailed off, his face almost as blue as the rest of his body. He took a deep breath.

"AAAAA- _mrrmph_!"

Knuckles clapped a hand over Sonic's mouth. "If you don't _stop_ , I'm going to get it over with and throw you in, myself."

The area fell completely silent, save for the 37.2 billion gallons of rushing, crashing water.

"So it _was_ the Echidna tribe that built this place?" asked Tails, now genuinely curious.

"Yes. The island has its own self-contained climate and weather, but it doesn't have proper drainage for the IceCap mountains. Whenever the island passed over a warm region or the Lava Reef flared up, the melting ice would cause devastating coastal flooding. With the underground Hydrocity tunnels, there's now a safe passage for the water to drain off the island's edge."

"So it's basically a giant toilet bowl. I _knew_ it."

Knuckles and Tails turned to look at Sonic, who had regained just enough of his mind to form what was, at least in context, a coherent sentence.

Knuckles massaged his temples. "Tails, how did you ever get this basket case through the first time you fell down here?"

Tails cocked his head thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, he _was_ noticeably tense the whole time, but his aquaphobia wasn't nearly as bad back then."

"Hydrophobia," Sonic corrected between slow, regulated breaths.

"Actually, Sonic," said Tails, " _hydro_ phobia is a property of matter. Or rabies. _Aqua_ phobia, what you have, is an irrational fear of water."

"Kiddo, it's hydrophobia," a miserable Sonic insisted as he shakily got to his feet. "I named it after this toilet bowl."

Knuckles glared at Sonic.

"So, why would your fear get worse after all your adventures?" asked Tails, deliberately changing the subject.

"Wh...why _wouldn't_ it get worse?" began Sonic incredulously. "It was bad enough that I can't swim and can't breathe and can barely move underwater but Eggman caught on immediately and he just keeps _escalating it_ I mean after that first awful underwater labyrinth he had me chase him through those aquatic ruins and of course this toilet bowl and then he somehow managed to find Chaos which is a monster made of _pure water by the way_ _ **how did he even DO that**_ and then Chaos had a _fifty-story growth spurt_ and managed to flood an _entire city_ and fighting it _then_ was real fun and...and…"

"Oh, um…" Tails stammered, rather regretting his question, "...well, at least it can't get worse than that."

"...and one of the Wisp mini-planets he captured was **totally covered in water...** "

Knuckles threw a hand up. "We get it! But we're here now, so tough it out. Where's that 'spirit of adventure' you're always bragging on?"

"It got flushed. Down this-"

"Sonic, if you refer to the sacred Echidnean architectures as a 'toilet bowl' _one more time..._ "

"Stop!" cried Tails, running between the two of them. "Sonic, please be respectful of Knuckles' ancestry. And Knuckles, _please_ stop threatening to dunk Sonic. You're going to give him another panic attack."

Knuckles sighed. "All right."

"Thank you," mumbled Sonic, for once using the phrase in a genuine way. "So, how do we get out of here? _Please_ tell me we can get back up the way we came."

Knuckles shook his head. "No. It's too high to fly, and the muddy tiles at the top are too slippery to climb. We have to take the long way out."

"But it's _okay!"_ added Tails in a rush, catching Sonic by the armpits as his knees gave out, "most of the path through is dry! I can fly you to the next platform and bypass the water below. How's that?"

Sonic whimpered something incoherent.

"I take that as a yes!" said Tails cheerfully, gripping Sonic harder and flying upwards "Let's go!"

"WaitwaitwaitimnotreadytoAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

Knuckles watched the two fly off with a shake of his head, thankful that he didn't have to participate. Instead, he climbed several meters up the wall behind him and glided over to reach the next platform. Jogging forward upon landing, he used the momentum to pull a sitting Sonic back to his feet again.

"I don't feel so good," Sonic moaned.

Tails gave him a sympathetic smile. "It won't be that bad. Remember, we don't have to deal with Eggman's robots this time around!"

At that very moment, a robot resembling a hermit crab with a drill shell rolled up. The heroes did nothing but stare for a painfully long two seconds.

Sonic's head slowly tilted. "...Knuckles…?"

"Uh," the echidna balked. The shell fired at Knuckles, only for him to catch it and whip it back in one smooth motion, pinning the robot to the wall. He brushed his palms together with an all-too-casual smile.

"There. All gone."

Tails frowned as he sifted through the broken robot parts. "Knuckles, you _did_ purge Eggman's machinery from the island after you two stopped collaborating...right?"

Knuckles scratched the back of his head as his face, like Sonic's had earlier, slowly changed to match his body's color.

"Well, see, it was good technology, and I did realize my need for a better defense system here, so…"

"You're _kidding me!"_ snapped Sonic, completely devoid of his standard amusement at the echidna's expense.

"It was stupid. I get that. But this was years ago, and I haven't had time to go through here and clear things up. _Someone_ kept dragging me on adventures."

"And _someone_ keeps knocking me into this—"

" **Say it** ," Knuckles growled.

Sonic threw his arms up, then stiffly reached back to grab his own shoulders and stalked off, not willing to pick a fight in this particular venue.

Knuckles folded his arms. "You're overreacting. There's nothing here we can't handle."

A tile under Sonic's feet clicked and dropped an inch. He froze and looked down at it, his spines subconsciously bristling as a repressed memory twanged at the strings of his mind.

Tails and Knuckles performed a perfectly-synchronized wince.

From the tile, a vertical pole shot up. A mechanical hand atop the pole clamped down on Sonic's head. Meanwhile, the ground under his feet rose into a gear that rotated like a caffeinated record player. The combined factors forced him to sprint in place if he didn't want his face adorned with the mother of all carpet burns.

"NO NO NO NOT THESE THINGS WHO EVEN INVENTED THESE IDIOTIC—"

Simultaneously, the gear stopped and the hand let go, causing Sonic to shoot off running (and screaming "AAAAAAAAĀ") straight up a twisting water slide. The other two ran after him.

The slide corkscrewed upwards, peaked, and then dropped sharply into a large body of water. By the time Tails and Knuckles caught up, Sonic was sprinting laps along the water's surface.

"Sonic, don't slow down!" yelled a flying Tails overhead.

"I HAVE NO PLANS TO," Sonic called back, a shrill tone beginning to crack its way through his voice.

"Loop around!" Knuckles instructed from the slide's peak. He surveyed the surface of the water, and to his surprise, saw a lone, small boat floating there.

He watched Sonic turn around and head towards the boat and, when the hedgehog was close, dove off the top of the slide.

Knuckles crashed into one end of the boat just as Sonic stepped on the other end, catapulting the latter into the air. Tails caught Sonic, then watched the surface of the water until he saw Knuckles push the overturned boat off his head.

"I'm fine! Fly him to that high ledge over there." Knuckles called, pointing to a corner of the area.

Knuckles watched the fox fly off, his passenger clinging to him for dear life. He then swam to the nearest wall and began climbing up to the same platform.

"Since when were there boats here...?" he wondered to himself.

Tails flew Sonic to the top of the ledge. It was a small room with a pool in its far corner.

"Sonic?" grunted Tails, "We're above solid ground now. You can step down…"

"But there are _tiles_ here," muttered Sonic, not letting go.

Tails simply dropped. The two of them landed on the tiled floor beside each other, but Sonic quickly jumped on top of his sidekick. With a strained effort, Tails got to his feet.

Knuckles finished climbing the wall. "You know, Sonic, I think you might need a sabbatical."

"N-nonsense," Sonic replied, clinging to his smaller friend like a baby koala, "heroes never sleep."

Knuckles ignored him and started walking towards the small pool. Sonic watched carefully, then jumped off Tails' back to land on the tiles Knuckles had crossed.

" _Oh_ ," realized a breathless Tails, "you don't want to hit another speed booster."

Knuckles turned around. "Really, Sonic. Why would there be a booster in a room where there's nowhere to run?"

"Because whoever built th… ...never mind."

"Wise choice," said Knuckles, nodding.

Sonic cautiously poked the tile he was standing on, then sat down and lowered his head.

"If there's nowhere to run," asked Tails, "why did you direct us here?"

"There's a hidden switch in here that opens another path," replied Knuckles, pointing at the pool.

Sonic looked up. "Don't...it's too dangerous…"

"Save it. There are no hazards up here and the water's only fifteen feet deep."

Knuckles dove in. A few moments passed, when suddenly, the water began to stir and bubble.

"Something's wrong," said Tails, also diving in.

"Wait..." the hedgehog cried weakly. He got up and walked to the water's edge, where he saw the colored blurs of his friends moving frantically as several robotic tentacles wrapped around them.

Taking one enormous, shuddering breath, Sonic noted the position of the robot's head, jogged a few steps back, and shot forward into the water, spinning like a buzzsaw. He vaguely registered the sensation of shredding metal, then became acutely aware of the cold, dark liquid, rushing in to flood every gap between every spine, and—

Suddenly, he was lying on his back, looking into two pairs of concerned eyes. He sat up and coughed a few times.

"What happened," Sonic rasped, "Did I nearly drown?"

"You weren't submerged for even ten seconds, drama queen," said a smirking Knuckles. "I think you just blacked out from fear."

"You saved us though," Tails added quickly.

"...I did?"

"I should have been more careful," admitted Knuckles with a sigh, "but that tentacled thing just came out of nowhere and grabbed the both of us. We're all lucky you managed to hit its head on the first try."

"Guys…" said Tails, not looking up from the pile of robot parts. "That...wasn't its head."

Knuckles spun around. "What?"

"What Sonic destroyed was a local control system of sorts, which is why this portion fell apart. But this is actually part of something much, much larger."

Tails pointed to a broken tile in the floor where the robot apparently originated from. There was plenty of machinery left, rooted deep in the floor like a tree stump.

"I don't understand," Knuckles mumbled, "There was nothing this large or complicated before…"

"Unfortunately," said Tails, "it looks like this system of robots is self-sustaining."

Sonic finally found his voice. "Wait, are you telling me the robots that were here before... have since made a _big baby?"_

"...if you want to put it that way, yes. They built something new, at any rate. And this also explains why Knuckles' traps went haywire. This AI is _fascinating,_ " Tails squealed.

"Can we geek out when we're _not_ about to die, please?"

"And speaking of big babies…" muttered Knuckles.

"I am _not_ ," Sonic huffed.

"You're dripping wet, you know."

"Ugh! Get it off!" Sonic yelled, shaking like a dog and flinging water everywhere.

Knuckles waited for him to stop. "You didn't get it all out."

There was a pause. Sonic's left eye twitched.

"Knuckles…" groaned Tails "I know you're enjoying this, and I know he deserves it—"

" _Hey!_ "

"...but for the sake of getting out of here in one piece each, could we please not destroy each other?"

"All right. For now." said Knuckles with a shrug. "The next step is...well, you're not going to like this."

"What is it?" Tails asked.

Knuckles pointed to a new entrance in the wall. "The switch opened that tunnel, which has apparently flooded since I've last been here. It's short, but we'll have to swim through."

Sonic's breath hitched. "I-isn't there another way? I'm going to find another way."

"Listen. A tiny fraction of Hydrocity's water is used to maintain Marble Garden. We're aiming for that stream. Unless you want to get dumped off the island and into the ocean. In which case, sure, run off on your own."

"Oh." Tails said quietly. "So, us reaching the Garden the first time was a fluke..."

"Just like my life right now," sulked Sonic.

Tails put a hand on his shoulder, slowly nudging him in the direction of the corridor. "Sonic, not only are you constantly running, but you spend a good chunk of your adventures doing it at high altitudes, even on the edge of space. You know what that means?"

"It means I like being **in open air.** "

"It _means_ you must be extremely oxygen-efficient by now. You should be able to hold your breath for quite a while."

"If you didn't panic, that is..."

The fox gave the echidna a dirty look before continuing. "Besides, Knuckles and I are both good swimmers. We'll be able to get you through. I think it's good that you're already wet; the worst of the mental battle is over. Now, here we are. The sooner we go through this corridor, the sooner you can get back on dry land."

Sonic took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Good. Tails, stay behind Sonic." Knuckles instructed. "I'll swim ahead."

"Y-yeah, it'll be easier for you to float. Hot air 'n all…"

Knuckles looked back with a blank expression.

Tails shrugged apologetically. "At least he's _trying_ to crack jokes. It's a good sign."

Knuckles shook his head, and then walked into the water. Sonic drew a breath so loud it echoed through the area, then stiffly allowed Tails to pull him under as well.

All things considered, it was a beautiful corridor. The dim light reflecting off the blue-green of the tiles shone marvelously in the peacefully undulating water. Two of the three occupants enjoyed the scenery, though the third was presently scrunching his eyes shut.

The hedgehog shuddered at a faint change in current as the tunnel's fourth occupant, a small fish-shaped robot, swam past his shoulder. Like colors apparently attracted, for the robot darted up to Knuckles and lovingly stared him in the face. He rolled his eyes and swatted it several meters backwards.

There was a pause. Knuckles heard Sonic shudder again, and very soon after, felt two rows of rather sharp piranha teeth sinking into his tail. Growling, Knuckles whirled around and punched the robot so hard against the wall that the offending contraption shattered. Unfortunately, the wall shattered as well. A large pipe behind the wall began to crack.

Knuckles' pupils shrank. Sonic, eyes still closed, grunted questioningly. Tails swam forward and clamped both hands over Sonic's mouth.

A moment later, there was a symphony of gurgled screaming from not one but three sources, as the gentle current through the winding corridor decided to pursue its childhood dream of becoming a fire hydrant.

Thirteen seconds later, a small pipe outlet in one of Hydrocity's walls cracked and burst when a blast of water, far exceeding its design specs, explosively let itself out. The water contained three sopping wet fuzzballs, which it deposited on the hard floor with undignified splats. The red and orange-brown fuzzball variants got to their feet with pained groans, but the blue fuzzball only rose to its hands and knees, shivering violently.

Tails winced. "I think we broke him. We should give him a moment."

Knuckles sighed. "The good thing is, despite that... _adventure_ we just had, we're still in the right room, I think."

Tails looked around. They were standing on a flat platform, but several meters ahead of them, the room opened up with a sharp, vertical drop.

Knuckles and Tails walked to the edge of the platform and looked down. Below was a cylindrical, tiled room shaped like a basin of sorts. At the bottom was a pool of water that looked about chest-deep.

There was a strained pause.

"Well, there's the exit to Marble Garden," Knuckles remarked dryly.

"And there's the central robot..." finished Tails.

It hardly warranted a mention; the octopus-shaped machine occupied the majority of the room.

Knuckles cracked his namesakes. "Tails, you fly near its head and distract it. I'm going to find a weak point. And Sonic…"

Knuckles took a long, hard look at Sonic. His soaked quills and ears drooped as he hugged himself. And while he'd turned his head toward the sound of Knuckles' voice, he appeared to be looking _through_ , rather than _at_ , the echidna.

"...you're going to stay here." Knuckles finished.

"Wha…?" Sonic managed, barely audible between shallow breaths.

"You're a train wreck."

"But...I...you need me..."

"...to _not_ get involved. If you black out again, you'll either drown in two feet of water, or you'll put us in danger trying to rescue you. Got it?"

Sonic frowned and nodded. Knuckles gestured forward and jumped off the ledge, followed by a guilty-looking Tails.

The two flew down to the robot, which immediately whipped a tentacle towards its visitors.

"Go!" yelled Knuckles, throwing Tails upward at the expense of launching himself down. The tentacle sliced the air where they had been.

Knuckles landed hard in the water, then began wading to the base of the robot.

Meanwhile, the airborne fox dodged several tentacles aimed at him. One clipped his tails, causing him to drop with a yelp. He grabbed the tentacle for support as it swung around, dangling him right in front of a huge robotic eye.

"Uh...hi..." Tails said with a sheepish grin.

The tentacle tried to shake him off, and when unsuccessful, another tentacle swung over. Before it could crush him, Tails kicked off the first tentacle and launched himself into the eye. He spun around to deliver a double tail-whip, but nothing on the eye seemed damaged.

"Ow! ...uh oh..."

On the ground, Knuckles finally found what looked like a submerged control panel. He reared back and punched into it, but the water buffered his strike. Grumbling angrily, he grabbed the panel's edges and tried to pull it off.

Small probes reached out of the panel and delivered a shock to the entire pool, and unfortunately for Knuckles, any organic creature stupid enough to be standing in it. He screamed in pain, not even noticing the tentacle headed for him until it hit him full-on.

Tails swooped in and caught Knuckles before he impacted the wall.

"Are you okay?!"

Knuckles shook his head a few times. "I'll live. Did you have any luck?"

"No...there's a big conspicuous glass eye, but it's actually well-armored."

"Same here. There's a big conspicuous panel, but it's...well-defended. How can something that shoots electricity even _handle_ being in water?!"

"It's all about the design. The probes that hit you are designed to operate underwater, and the outer shell of this robot is obviously waterproof. It's the _inner_ electronics that wouldn't be able to handle the...oh."

"What are you..." Knuckles began, interrupting himself to punch away a tentacle flying towards them. "...thinking about?"

"Well, what if we tried to get some of this water on the inside of the robot to short-circuit its electronics? We'd just need to create an opening."

"Alright. I'm not touching that panel again. Throw me into the eye."

Tails whirled around and chucked Knuckles into the center of the eye. Knuckles landed with a hard punch, but the eye didn't break. A tentacle smacked him away towards Tails.

"Again!" Knuckles yelled, extending a hand. Tails caught it and used the momentum in a circular motion to throw him towards the eye again. This time, Knuckles landed to the far edge of the eye, shattering a small hinge.

Knuckles grabbed the lens of the eye and swung it open, revealing wires and other unprotected electronics within.

"Great!" called Tails, actively avoiding the robot, "Now we just need to…wait…"

"What!?" grunted Knuckles, fighting to keep the lens outward as one tentacle fought to push it shut.

"How _are_ we going to get a lot of water in there? You're trying to hold the eye, and I'm trying to distract the robot. And besides, neither of us has any means of transporting a large quantity of water anyway! We need a third fighter. Sonic _would_ be great, but..."

Knuckles lost his footing, and the tentacle whacked him again. Tails caught him.

"I've had enough of this," fumed Knuckles. "Take me to Sonic."

"Huh? But you were right about…"

"Just do it!"

Tails and Knuckles reboarded the platform. Sonic, still visibly pale, stared at them in a mix of confusion and concern.

"Guys, what's going on?"

Knuckles marched up to him. "Sonic. What you're feeling right now isn't fear."

"Look, if you tell me 'it's just gas,' I'm gonna—"

" _No_ ," Knuckles interrupted, "What you're feeling right now is _rage._ "

"...rage? What? I'm not…"

"Think about it. That robot is the reason we fell down here."

Sonic blinked and turned away to stare at the robot.

"The reason you had to jump in the water."

Sonic's body stiffened like an ironing board.

"The reason you now have _wet, squishy socks_."

Sonic drew in a sharp breath, and his fists clenched with an audible crackle.

"So tell me, Sonic the Hedgehog: _what are you feeling right now?_ "

Sonic slowly turned back to look at his friends. The panic on his face had been replaced with a murderous scowl, and his spines were sticking up so aggressively, he looked several inches taller. When he finally delivered his answer, it came packaged in a feral growl:

" **Rage.** "

Despite his own success, Knuckles flinched as one livid, drenched hedgehog tore off to avenge his fallen socks.

"I think he just went Super Sonic Blue..." Tails whispered in awe.

Knuckles shook his head. "And _I_ think he lets you watch too much TV. Let's go."

Knuckles and Tails dove back down into the basin, where a furious blue streak was whipping around the entire area, rapidly smashing into the robot from a variety of angles.

Tails picked a spot at random to address. "OK, Sonic; we're going to soak it, just like it soaked you!"

" _Good!_ " Sonic barked, also from nowhere in particular.

The erratic pattern of the blue streak stopped and began whirling a circle around the area instead. The pool of water started to whirl along with it.

The robot attempted to block the path by pressing its tentacles against the wall. Tails and Knuckles jumped in to attack and distract it. Presently, the entire pool of water was swirling against the vertical walls of the basin.

"I'll take the distractions! Get the eye!" Tails called over the droplets of water flying everywhere.

Knuckles jumped back onto the eye and pried back the loose panel again. The tentacles flew to push it closed, but Tails continued to harass them.

Sonic stopped running in circles and launched a spin attack at the now-empty floor of the basin, dislodging two large tiles. He tossed one in the air and kicked it hard enough to stick itself halfway up the wall. Since it was parallel to the ground, the water rushed around it, undisturbed.

The other tile in hand, Sonic dashed up the robot, leaping off the tentacles and finally landing on the stuck tile. He wrapped one arm around the stuck tile and, with a battle cry, pushed himself into the rushing water. Then, leaning back and using his feet for support, he held the loose tile at an angle against the current. The water deflected towards the hole in the robot.

Knuckles held the panel open for half a second more, and once he was satisfied that enough water had gotten in, eyed Tails through the rainstorm and jumped to him.

Tails flew Knuckles higher up as the robot began to spark, and finally, exploded.

"Sonic!" cried Tails.

The two descended once visibility was restored. They landed in the pool, which had lost all but six inches of water, and surveyed the carnage.

"Let's see how **you** like it, huh?!" yelled Sonic, petulantly alternating feet as he continued to kick water at the pile of scrap.

Tails approached cautiously. "...Sonic. It's dead now."

Sonic turned to Tails, glowering. A drop of water rolled off his nose.

"Well, maybe I _want to kill it_ _ **more.**_ "

Knuckles tiptoed over to the wall, removed a tile, and swiftly pulled a hidden lever.

The ground began to shake. A drop of water landed on Sonic's head, causing him to whirl around with a hiss.

Tails looked about the room, concerned. "Knuckles, what did you just do?"

Knuckles cleared his throat sheepishly. "I reactivated the stream to Marble Garden…"

Massive waterfalls poured down the edge of the basin, quickly refilling it. Tails grabbed Sonic to keep him afloat as they rose with the water level.

"Okay, and now what?"

"Well…"

A hole appeared in the bottom of the basin, causing a whirlpool that drained the water and anything else it happened to contain. And the only thing louder than the thunderous flush of the world's largest toilet bowl was a rousing cry of "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

* * *

 _Author's Notes:_

Did I overdo the hyquaphobia angle? Probably. Was it unbearably fun? **You bet.**

Before you go blaming me for always torturing Sonic on my second chapter, consider the original Genesis trilogy. Because I just did, and suddenly, I badly want to adapt Chemical Plant.


	3. Marble Garden

**Marble Garden**

Sonic the Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna, and Miles "Tails" Prower had all been warriors from early childhood. Part of their combat experience included how to avoid injury when falling from a great height, down a steep incline, or in this case, both. There were times to land on your feet, times to break into a shoulder roll, or times to go completely limp and simply hope the outcome had mercy on you, even if the process itself wasn't pleasant. It was the last of these choices that the heroes were forced to make.

"Yaaah!"

"Grass!?"

"Ack!"

"Ow!"

"YES."

"Gah!"

"I-oof!- I **LOVE** GRASS."

Yet, as a trio of sentient ragdolls tumbled uncontrollably down the verdant, sloped entrance to Marble Garden, one of the participants seemed, against all odds, positively elated.

Eventually, three slapping _thuds_ sounded in rapid sequence and the ragdolls began to reanimate.

Knuckles arose first. He coughed, then pulled a few blades of grass from his nostrils.

Tails got up next. "I think I bruised my trachea," he groaned.

Sonic, meanwhile, was lying face-down, professing his undying love to the grass.

Tails sighed. "Oh good, we're all okay."

In one rapid motion, Sonic flipped himself onto his feet.

"I'm _more_ than okay," he whooped. "There's _grass_ here!"

"Solid..." he gave Tails a noogie,

"...dry…" he zipped up to give Knuckles a flurry of playful arm punches,

"...grass! Sonic the Hedgehog is BACK, baby!"

"I think I liked Panic the Hedgehog better," Knuckles said as Sonic ripped off.

Tails and Knuckles watched as Sonic darted to remote patches of grass, greeting them, petting them, and in one case, apparently kissing them, before running back.

"Hi guys! Did I mention I love grass?"

"You sure did," Knuckles deadpanned, "and while I'm hurt to know we're your second choice, we really should stick together."

Sonic grinned. "Yeah. Sorry, I'm just so relieved. That was a waking nightmare. The water, the tiles, and…"

The grin faded. He raised a hand to his temple, a faraway look in his eyes.

"...and seriously, what did you do to my _head_ back there?"

"The same thing I do to my own head in the heat of battle," said Knuckles. "I figured if it worked on pain, it would work on panic."

Sonic blinked. "Wait, so the Ancient Echidna Warrior Technique can essentially be boiled down to _Don't Get Glad, Get Mad?"_

A look of indignation crossed Knuckles' face. He opened his mouth to retort, paused, then closed it.

"Yeah, basically," he finally muttered.

Tails looked around. "We made it to Marble Garden," he announced. "So, next, we're going to the carnival, followed by the mountains, or…?"

Knuckles raised an eye ridge. "The route you took before wasn't exactly efficient."

"And you didn't tell us at the time," snickered Sonic, "because…"

Knuckles coughed.

"So what's the next step?" asked Tails, expression neutral.

"The path up one of these hills will lead us to a small cavern. There's a secret tunnel that goes back up to the Island's surface. That's all."

Tails blinked a few times, then laughed. "...oh. Wow. Which hill?"

"It's…" Knuckles turned a few times to orient himself, then pointed to the base of one such hill. "...this one."

"Great!" Sonic jogged up to it. "I'll race you up!"

"Bad idea," said Knuckles quickly.

"Dude, I know you hate fun, but these hills are way too steep and wet to just walk up."

Knuckles shook his head, and pointed to a wooden sign nearby, written in some exotic language.

"What's it say? _We Hate Fun_?"

"No, it says _Keep off the Grass._ "

Sonic cracked up. "Oh nooooo, we might offend the garden!"

So saying, he stepped on the grass, and was immediately hoisted up with an elegance that would have secured a trophy in any doubles figure-skating event.

"Aw, seriously?" whined Sonic, even before the row of spikes popped up where he'd stepped. "Why would they even _do_ that here?"

"For one, that tunnel is secret," said Knuckles.

"There's a second reason?" Tails asked.

The echidna smirked. "For two, my ancestors were deadly serious about their horticulture."

"Point taken, Martha," said Sonic, still suspended above Knuckles' head. "Now could you put me down?"

"Promise you'll listen to me next time."

"Okay, okay."

"So, what would the... _approved_ method of transportation be?" asked Tails.

Knuckles walked to what appeared to be a small, grass-covered mound. He reached down and ripped the entire blanket of (apparently fake) turf off, revealing a bright blue, spinning-top shaped object.

"Oh, these cap things. Yeah, we did use these before."

"And wrecked half of them." Knuckles added pointedly. "Right now, it's the only one in this area, so we have to share."

Sonic jumped on the cap. "Alright. So we all need to run at the same speed."

"Yes, a _reasonable_ speed we can all handle."

"Psh, you think I don't know that. Of course I'll slow down for you guys."

Tails and Knuckles also boarded. Sonic crouched onto one knee.

"Ready, set, GO!"

The three heroes launched into a sprint. Shortly thereafter, two of them flew off the cap.

Tails broke his trajectory in mid-air. "Stop!"

Sonic halted and turned around, confused. "What, did I start too early?"

"No," said Knuckles as he peeled his face off the turf, "you started too _fast."_

"But I was slowing down...oh well. Wanna try again?"

" **No."**

"I think what you should do," Tails suggested delicately, "is let the two of us start running on the cap. After we get up to speed, _then_ you can jump on and just...keep pace with us."

"Boring."

XXX

The doctor looked up the stone staircase ahead. At the top was a short pedestal encircled by seven tall ones. The tall pedestals were empty, but atop the short one rested a large, green gemstone. The simplicity of the shrine only served to emphasise the magnificence of the Master Emerald as it glowed with energy, pulsing like a heartbeat. It was as though the whole area was saying _my focal point needs no introduction._

"I hate stairs," Eggman concluded.

Cubot jumped out of the Eggmobile. "But that's OK, right Doc? You can just go up in your Egg Walker!"

"I don't have that right now," said Eggman.

"What about the Egg Sprinter?" asked Orbot.

"Nor that."

"Egg Scooter?"

"Egg Sashayer?"

"Egg Stannah?"

"I don't have **any** of those, alright!? That lunatic trio is traveling to this locale _as we speak,_ so it was imperative that we reached this island with haste."

Orbot paused. "So, we're totally unarmed and unequipped?"

"Not _totally_ , you coward," grumbled Eggman. "We have the spare Eggmobile, my basic tools, and thr-" he paused as he watched Cubot chase a butterfly, "...two sets of brains."

"And step one in our plan is taking the Master Emerald?" asked Orbot.

"Yes, but we have to be cautious, since it will be well protec-"

Cubot bumped into the Emerald while in pursuit of the butterfly. The gem tipped over with a _clink._

"...oh no."

The grass around Eggman and Orbot burst into flames.

XXX

The spinning cap came to a crawl, then stopped as it hit the ground.

"The tunnel's hidden in that cliff face over there?" asked Tails, pointing.

"Yes," replied Knuckles as he lowered another grassy tarp to hide the cap again.

The mountainous rock face was across a lake of mud. A series of widely-spaced, rotating platforms promised at least a fighting chance of getting across unsoiled. Knuckles finished with the tarp, gestured forward, and began to walk towards the lake.

A soft breeze rippled throughout the grass like an underachieving shockwave. Knuckles froze in place, his breathing suddenly shallow.

"Knuckles, are you okay?" asked Tails.

There was no response.

"D'you think he's afraid of mud?" Sonic whispered to his sidekick.

Knuckles turned to the others. His face had gone pale.

"The…" he managed.

Sonic stepped forward. "Hey, it's alright. I survived the water. We can do this together."

"The Master Emerald...has been taken..."

"What? Really, pal, if you're that afraid, just tell us, and we'll find a—"

"I'm NOT AFRAID OF MUD, YOU IDIOT."

"Woo, touchy."

A weak tremor shook the area.

" _No!"_ shouted Knuckles. "We have to get to the tunnel!"

He sprinted towards the edge of the lake and jumped in. The remaining two looked at each other, then followed.

Tails flew overhead and extended a hand. "Knuckles! Take my-"

"No time!" yelled Knuckles as he frantically half-swam, half-waded across the viscous muck.

"But I-"

"Save it for later!"

" _B-but—"_

Knuckles tripped face-first and sprung back up. "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M **BUSY**?!"

" _BUT-!"_

"It's not gonna work, Tails," Sonic called back as he bounded across the platforms. "Let's just go!"

Tails' face twisted in visible agony before he flew ahead to catch up with the hedgehog.

Sonic leapt off the last platform. It wasn't enough to reach the other side, but he'd anticipated it; the spin he'd broken into caused him to skip harmlessly off the mud's surface and onto dry ground. Tails reached him a few moments later.

Sonic scanned the enormous rock face ahead. "Uhh, so where exactly did Knuckles say this tunnel was hidden?"

"He didn't," said Tails. "And everything is all craggy."

Sonic whirled around, sucking air through his teeth. "Li'l buddy, you did _not_ learn that from me."

Tails blinked. "What? No! The rock faces! They all look like natural formations to me."

Knuckles finally dragged himself out of the mud and onto the grass. Or at least, Tails _thought_ it was Knuckles; if he was being honest, his first response to the sight was a flashback of the _Swamp Creatures TV Special_ he'd watched the week before.

"Knuckles, w-where is the...the tunnel?" asked Sonic, failing miserably to mask the laughter he was barely keeping at bay.

The muddy critter didn't respond, opting instead to sprint to a nearby rock face, slipping every few steps. Tails and Sonic followed him as he reached what looked like a normal boulder and punched it hard. The "boulder," actually made of a brittle clay, shattered upon impact to reveal a small tunnel.

Another tremor hit, this time, sending a crack snaking up the mountain. Knuckles dove into the tunnel.

"Don't!"

Sonic darted in, yanked him out, then immediately let go, jumping backwards to evade the oversized fist swung in his general direction. Knuckles started towards the mountain again, but it was too late; the tunnel collapsed with a ear-splitting crash.

"No!" he yelled again, trying frantically to reopen the tunnel for a few moments. He then turned around and glared murder at Sonic.

" **YOU.** "

"Knuckles! He saved your life! Please calm down. Think; you won't recover the Emerald this way."

Knuckles flinched, and then lowered his fists. Tails sighed in relief.

"To start, how sure are you that the Master Emerald has been stolen?"

Knuckles took a deep breath. "I'm positive. I felt it cry out. I can't believe this. The island is _hidden_. How did it get taken only a few hours after I stopped guarding it?!"

"It's gotta be Eggman," said Sonic.

"He's stolen it before," agreed Tails, "so he's more knowledgeable about it than your average thief. He unfortunately knows how to power his machines with it. And well, now that we're going to be delayed getting it back, he'll be all set up with it by the time we reach him. We need a stronger attack plan than usual."

Agitated, Knuckles ran a hand across his forehead as he paced around. "Alright. Do either of you have any Chaos Emeralds?"

Sonic cringed. "Ah...no."

"Wait, did you use them recently?"

"...yes."

"How recently?"

"Yesterday...I think."

"Sonic, I don't have _time_ for this! What do you mean, you _think?_ "

Sonic subconsciously lifted a hand to his head. "How do I put this...there's, uh, a gap...in my memory, and I'm really not sure how long it was...or if they came back with me…or if time even _passed_...or…"

A vein popped out of Knuckles' forehead.

"No, really!" Tails added quickly, "I found him just as he regained consciousness, and I can confirm he was very, _very_ confused."

Sonic raised an eye ridge. "Thanks?"

"Just _great_!" spat Knuckles, throwing his hands up.

Tails frowned and lifted a pensive hand to his mouth. "Can we use this information to help us in any way?"

"What, the fact that your hero is an irresponsible-"

"The amount of drainage on the Emeralds. Does it correlate to the way they scatter?"

"Of _course_ no-...wait. Sonic. From that garbled explanation, you drained the Emeralds so severely that you passed out for longer than a few seconds?"

"Yessir!"

"Well, if you put them under a critical strain, the Master Emerald might have recalled them..."

"It can really do that?" asked Sonic.

"Oh for- the Master Emerald _controls_ the Chaos Emeralds. I can't believe someone as clueless as you is actually capable of absorbing and wielding their power."

"Ha! Somebody's jeeeaaaallouuus…."

" _Anyway_ ," said Tails, "if the Master recalled them, where would they be?"

Knuckles sighed. "They'd probably—"

The ground began to shake, this time much harder than before.

"We have to get back to the cap before everything falls apart. Come on!"

Knuckles ran to the edge of the lake again. Tails wordlessly grabbed him by the shoulders mid-dive and began flying him across.

"Thanks. ...wait, why didn't you do this the first time?"

Tails sighed.

XXX

Eggman, seated with his back against the Master Emerald, picked the last few burrs out of his mustache. "I thought I felt a tremor just now. This island truly is reactive."

"So," began Orbot, checking his reflection in a facet to make sure he'd cleared the debris from his joints, "this gem will help with our plans?"

Eggman stood up gingerly, a hand to his lower back and his clothes a bit duskier than usual. "Yes. It's an immense source of power, but the three of us will have to work hard and fast."

"Four!"

Eggman turned sourly to his other robot. A wisp of smoke puffed out one nostril.

"I thought I fixed your counting processor. You, Orbot, and myself are _three_ , dimwit."

Cubot looked as pristine as ever. "Not anymore," he chirped, pointing to the butterfly perched on his head, "I think Cubutter would _love_ to help!"

Eggman kicked Cubot down the stairs. Cubutter flew off.

"What did I ever do to deserve such a birdbrained sidekick."

"Quite right," said Orbot, "You should complain to the manufacturer."

"...and _you_ should be grateful I'm dreadfully sore at the moment. Now, there are several things we must do. First off, I presume Sonic and his friends are or will soon be in Marble Garden, since that's the only egress from Hydrocity that doesn't involve a watery demise. With any luck, they'll be crushed by this island's seismic responses, but..."

"But?"

"But I'm never _that_ lucky," Eggman conceded, "so we need to track them. At least Knuckles was daft enough to leave my surveillance cameras deployed in Marble Garden. I'll need you to link my system and locate them for me."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Now, I am going to move the Emerald. I need to use it, and I certainly wouldn't mind giving the heroes more tremors anyway. Cubot, get your wretched self back up here and help me out!"

"I'm coming, Doc!" Cubot called as he bounced up the stairs, "And I found something in the grass down there!"

"So help me, if it's even an _honorary_ member of the insect kingdom, I'm going to replace your motor oil with sriracha sauce."

Cubot reached the top step. Eggman paused.

"Hello…" he muttered.

XXX

"Well," Sonic said, looking up the hill behind him, "now I know why it's called _Marble_ Garden."

Tails, concentrating hard on controlling the cap, could only manage a breathless "huh?"

"Eggman's clearly lost _his_ ," Sonic responded, jerking a thumb at some large, bespeckled boulders chasing them down the hill.

One such boulder caught up with the cap. Knuckles turned around and punched it. The deflection succeeded, but the recoil caused all three heroes to lose their balance and fall off the cap. They grabbed its edges and were subsequently whirled around on its perimeter, hanging on for dear life, before it crawled to a stop. The ground below them began to break up and fall apart.

Sonic grabbed his somewhat-dizzy companions and planted them feet-first on the cap again.

"C'mon, run!"

They began sprinting again, Sonic carefully watching the others to keep pace with them.

Another boulder crashed into the cap, putting a crack in its side. The three heroes stumbled around, awkwardly grabbing at each other in the world's most high-stakes game of _Ring Around the Rosie_.

"We can't take more hits like that," Tails warned when they were stable again.

"At this rate we _will_ ," said Sonic. "We gotta speed up!"

"We… _can't_ " Knuckles replied, gasping for breath.

"Alright, jump on my back."

"Your back... _is_ _made of_ _ **SPIKES**_ _!_ "

"Got a better idea!?"

XXX

"Doctor," asked Orbot, "are there totem poles in Marble Garden?"

Eggman looked up from his work. "Hm? Not that I know of. Why?"

Orbot pointed at a replay on the Eggmobile's screen. Eggman took a glance as it showed a small blurred object whooshing in and out of view. Curious, he paused the recording and enhanced the image.

Sonic was sprinting on the cap, an abnormally pained expression on his face. Knuckles was lying prone across the top of Sonic's head, his arms and legs dangling to either side like the flaps of a winter hat. Tails was flopped atop Knuckles in the same manner.

Eggman's head slowly tilted.

XXX

"I hope you know a good chiropractor," Sonic grunted.

"My dignity is just as wounded," said Knuckles. "Now hush, and _mush_."

"Where are we headed?"

"We're back to where we first landed. We need to go in the opposite direction we started out from."

"I don't recognize this area," Tails said as he scanned the rapidly shifting, crumbling terrain. "Are you sure this is where we started?"

Knuckles glanced down at three distinctly anthropomorphic craters. "Yes, I'm keenly attuned to this island," he replied.

Tails gasped. "Incoming!"

Knuckles flexed his fists, preparing to meet the boulder rolling down their only path ahead. "Got it."

"Not offa my _head_ , you don't!" protested Sonic.

"Fine. Can you throw me?" Knuckles asked.

"Not hard enough..." said Tails. "Wait! Use the cap!"

Knuckles groaned. "I thought you said the cap couldn't take any more-"

Tails shoved Knuckles off Sonic's head. The echidna reflexively grabbed the edge of the cap and experienced the spin cycle for the second time that day.

"Okay," called Tails, "now let go in three...two...one!"

Knuckles released his grip on the cap and was sent flying ahead into the boulder's path. He collided with the boulder, knocking it out of the way, then broke into a slow glide until the cap was underneath him again. Tails pulled him back on with an apologetic smile.

Knuckles glared at Tails. "I didn't enjoy that."

"Tell that to my spinal column," said Sonic. "Now where are we going?"

"Down that set of hills to the right," Knuckles instructed.

Sonic adjusted his pace to lower the cap onto the appropriate path. Nearby, more rock walls crumbled, sending another group of boulders chasing the heroes.

"Is it just me," started Sonic, "or is this area throwing a hissy fit at us?"

"I told you, it's a mystical island. It didn't like the Master Emerald being stolen before, and it doesn't like it now either. This area has only just recovered from the last time."

Another boulder nearly caught up with the cap from behind. Sonic steered the cap towards a large, ornate pillar. The cap circled the pillar in a downward spiral, hugging its edges. Sonic whooped, while the other two made no such noise. That is, until yet another boulder came flying towards them. Sonic came to a skid on the cap, slowing it down enough that the boulder whiffed in front of them.

"Eat dirt, rock!" Sonic called after the boulder as it fell down a pit, towards a single square of spikes.

Knuckles made a face.

"What?" said Sonic. "You're the one who said this island was…"

The boulder hit the spikes. Instead of a shattering, satisfying _crunch_ , however, an unmistakable _boing_ sound played out of thin air.

The boulder bounced off the entirely rubbery spikes and made a beeline towards the cap again. At the speed it was hurtling, only the group's fastest member would have had time to react accordingly, and _only_ if he hadn't burst out into hysterical laughter instead.

Unhindered, the boulder collided with the cap, wrecking it for good and sending the three heroes flying.

"Oh, well _played_!" Sonic shouted to the boulder, giving it a thumbs-up while in free-fall.

Knuckles turned to yell at Sonic, but wisely decided his time would be better spent in other ways. He took a quick glance at his surroundings while Tails worked to slow their descent.

"There!" he called, pointing down at a small, barely visible opening in some rocks. Another mountain face began to crumble towards the heroes.

Sonic gave Knuckles a skeptical look. "That cave? We'll be trapped!"

"You promised to listen!"

Sonic shrugged. "You're the boss."

Another rock shot towards them. Tails stopped flying, dropping the group to avoid it. They landed on a steep, grassy incline, and began sliding down. By now, it wasn't so much single boulders chasing them as it was the entire mountain coming down in a solid wall of death.

"We won't reach the cave with this trajectory," Tails warned.

"Hang on." Knuckles wrapped one arm around both friends, and at the bottom of the hill, jumped off. With his free hand, he caught a metal ring that was tethered to a rope and hanging on a hook.

The hook broke, dropping the three in a pendulum motion. Knuckles half-ran on the vertical rock wall beside them, trying to steer their drop towards the cave opening.

Shortly before they reached the cave, the ground crumbled, causing Knuckles to lose his footing and dangle helplessly from the rope. He grunted in frustration, but a burst of fluffy-tailed propulsion provided the final adjustments needed to reach the cave.

At the opening, Knuckles let go of the rope, sending the three heroes flying into the cave. Within a second, the rock wall slammed into the entrance, preventing it from ever being an entrance again. Or an exit, for that matter.

There was a moment of relative calm, the pitch-black of the cave breached only by the sound of heavy breathing.

Sonic finally broke the silence for good. "Ya know, I hate to state the obvious, but I think we're trapped."

"Don't worry," said Knuckles. "Does anyone have a flashlight?"

"Oh! Yes," said Tails. He pulled out his multi-tool, illuminating a small penlight. "What are we looking for?"

"Try over there," Knuckles instructed.

Tails beamed his small light in a slow circle. "Okay…I see a root, a hunk of granite, a broken column, a clay deposit, a giant, angry stone face, some limesto - UWAA!"

Sonic caught Tails as he stumbled backwards, then guided his arm to point at the statue again. "Isn't that thing gonna…"

Knuckles watched the statue. "Mm-hm."

One of the statue's eyes reddened as it began to bulge, training its eyes on the group. Knuckles walked up to the statue and waited patiently for the mouth to open, revealing a flaming arrow about to fire.

Knuckles yanked the arrow out of the mouth and smashed it tip-first into the eye.

Sonic and Tails cringed.

Knuckles sighed in contentment, rolling his neck around. "Well, I feel much less stressed now."

Sonic shuddered. "Euugh. Okay. Now what?"

To the right, the ground began to rumble. Tails pointed his flashlight to a nearby rock door as it lifted, but the gesture turned out to be entirely unnecessary; the giant, ethereal golden ring rotating mid-air before them may as well have been powered by a size-Q battery.

"Oh," said Sonic.

Tails shut off his now-ineffective flashlight. "Of course! _That_ was what you meant when you said the Chaos Emeralds may have been recalled!"

"Good thing I was right. Well, let's go."

The heroes walked into the ring. There was a brief flash of searing light, then the cave fell as dark and vacant as it had been before.

* * *

 _Author's Notes:_

Vulgarity may be no substitute for wit, but slapstick apparently is.

Happy New Year and sorry for the extended gap! Getting anything extra done during the semester is like pulling teeth, but on the other hand, I'm lucky _Smash Ultimate_ hasn't devoured me whole.

A big thanks to DawnOfForelsket, Edgehog Jeremy, and Heat Salamance for the reviews! Believe me, it's a powerful motivator.


	4. Blue Spheres

**Blue Spheres**

Teleportation of matter was a curious thing, for as far as scientists could theorize, the near-instantaneous disintegration and reformation of a solid object must occur. It was therefore assumed that the same must happen with living creatures, a theory that sounded too horrific for words, but would remain a mere theory until anyone could retain any memory of the event.

In any case, the first thought that crossed Sonic's mind as his body re-materialized, was _Checkerboards. It's always checkerboards._

Granted, to his best knowledge, no game of actual checkers had ever been played on the distinctly-patterned surface of a midsize spherical planet-thing suspended in the center of a tripped-out pocket dimension, but he'd have to ask Tails about that one.

Actually, scratch that; Tails would probably argue that the shape they were now standing on wasn't perfectly spherical.

Knuckles interrupted the hedgehog's inner soliloquy with "Sonic, you're wearing a blue shirt."

" **Wha!?** " Sonic started, looking down. "Oh. I am. No pants, though. _Phew_. And you're in a red shirt."

"...so I am." Knuckles conceded after further inspection.

Sonic and Knuckles turned to their younger friend, who then proceeded to look down at himself. The wagging of his twin tails abruptly ground to a standstill. The gears in his analytical mind apparently did too, for it took him a few moments to even form a sentence.

"So...why am I... wearing a _green_ shirt?" he mumbled.

"Hey, well, two out of three ain't bad. Good job, trippy fun-world!" Sonic called out.

"No!" Tails spat. " _Terrible_ job! There's no green anywhere on me! If we wanted to _really_ equalize it, we should all swap shirts to make three _partial_ matches; _Sonic_ 's sneakers are red, _I_ have blue eyes, and _Knuckles_ has those little green patches on his shoes!"

Sonic and Knuckles blinked.

"You're probably overthinking this," Knuckles finally said.

Tails ran a hand through his bangs, flattening them against his skull. "I-it just...it _makes no sense!"_

"Deep breath, li'l bro," said Sonic. "It's just shirts."

Tails looked at Sonic. His snout crinkled, as though he had just smelled a piece of rancid watermelon and it was causing him physical pain.

"And the sight of you with blue arms is creeping me out."

"Tails, why are you suddenly bothered by the logic of _color choice_?" Knuckles asked. "We just spent a while running on a cap _that floats in thin air when you spin it_ …"

The fox paused, then visibly relaxed. His twin tails resumed their regularly-scheduled programming.

Knuckles nodded. "Great. Now we can put this behi-"

"Boy, am I glad you asked! I don't really find that _illogical_ so much as I just haven't fully grasped it yet. I've always assumed that since Marble Garden was rich in ferrous materials, there were electromagnetic forces at play. I mean, I know of course that Gauss' Law dictates the lack of 'magnetic charge' by the very _strictest_ definition, but, well, with the highest respect due to Mr. Maxwell, no one ever took the power of the Master Emerald into account. Especially given the undeniable proportionality with the rotational inertia of the cap. I figure there must be an undiscovered phenomenon at work...ley lines acting as a conduit for the magnetic corollary of Lenz's Law, if you will. So I do have a hypothesis; I just haven't gotten the exact proof nailed down yet. Ooh actually, I have some unfinished research on the subject back in my workshop! I could bring it for you sometime if you'd like?"

"I...I think I'm good, thanks," Knuckles said, looking somewhat shell-shocked. "Sonic...did you understand a word of that?"

The grin spanning the entire width of Sonic's face appeared to be one of pride. "Yeah, the word ' _the.'_ "

Tails giggled sheepishly. "Anyway, enough about me. I take it we're in one of those 'Special Stages' to collect a Chaos Emerald?"

Knuckles nodded. "Now we have to learn its rules."

"Whaddya mean, _learn_?" said Sonic. "We did this funky blue-sphere dance number plenty of times on your island."

"This world is defined at the Master Emerald's whim," said Knuckles. "Location doesn't have much to do with it. Didn't you encounter different rulesets before that?"

"Oh...yeah. This halfpipe-y bomb-fest and a dreamlike, rotating...I don't even know how to describe it."

"Dreams..." muttered Tails.

Knuckles glanced at him. "Hmm?"

"Is that why they're called Special **Stages**? Like the stages of sleep?"

"I hadn't thought of it that way," said Knuckles, shifting uncomfortably. "Anyway, to learn its rules, we need to look for some sort of sign."

He stared at the distant horizon, a hypnotically slow whorl of colors, lights, and various other silhouettes.

Tails also looked at the sky, then frowned. "Is that shape supposed to be a feather duster?"

"I thought it was a pogo stick?" replied Sonic.

Knuckles shook his head. "Don't get too distracted by those. Wait, look!"

He pointed at a location in the sky where a series of white-lettered words began to fade into view. The trio squinted at the words. Their clarity began to improve, slowly but surely, until they were almost readable. Then, without warning, they vanished entirely.

Knuckles grunted. "Did anyone catch that? I thought I saw the word 'spheres' in there."

"Yeah," said Tails. "I thought so too, but that was it."

Sonic snickered. "Bummer. That was the only word we _didn't_ need to be told."

"Hmm," mused Tails, "now it _really_ doesn't seem so unreasonable to assume this checkered floor pattern might be-"

"The tartan of the McNosehair clan?" Sonic quipped.

"The game we played before, with the blue spheres." Tails finished.

"I still don't think so," said Knuckles. "The Master Emerald wouldn't use the same defense mechanism twice. It needs to make sure the individual playing is worthy of the Chaos Emeralds, so it creates new, nearly impossible challenges."

"Impossible challenges are my specialty!" said Sonic, thumbing his chest.

"Humility, too," Knuckles responded. "But I know for a fact you've failed Special Stages before."

"Okay, fine, I have, but _someone_ behind me wanted to 'analyze' every bomb in sight…"

Tails frowned. "I was _four_ , Sonic. I've gotten much better since."

The dinging of an otherworldly bell rang. Vertical screens of light shot down from the sky, separating the heroes and cordoning off the stage into three regions. Sonic instinctively curled up into a ball and felt himself being shoved to the side. When the motion stopped, he uncurled and found his region rapidly filling with blue spheres.

"OK guys!" he called, hoping the others would hear him through the walls. "It looks like I'm the one playing. I just have to turn all these blue spheres into...red…spheres...?"

He trailed off upon glancing at the region where Knuckles was. It had already filled with red spheres, gently crowding him without causing him any harm.

Knuckles looked down at the entirely placid red spheres, then made eye contact with Sonic. They stared at each other in confusion for a second, then in unison, yelled "Tails!"

Tails was standing between them, in the largest region. It was entirely empty and dark. A spotlight burst onto where he was standing. More specifically, on his green shirt.

"Oh..." Tails said in a small voice.

The blue and red spheres in each region eagerly pressed up the walls towards him.

"W-wait, listen, I didn't want to be wearing this, okay?" he called out, trying fruitlessly to remove his shirt.

On the horizon, where the words had been, three green circles appeared in a horizontal row. A large white glove appeared beneath them, its fingers signing the number three.

"Wait, I…!"

The fingers counted down to two. Tails whimpered.

"Tails," shouted Sonic, "you've got this! Look alive!"

One finger. Tails steeled himself and turned towards the red spheres.

The glove disappeared as the sound of a whistle blew. A sphere from Knuckles' region levitated, then shot through the light barrier towards Tails. He yelped and dropped to a sit, narrowly avoiding it.

"Whoa, I didn't know they could-AAH!"

Tails flung himself onto his back to avoid another red sphere, then scrambled to his feet. A third sphere shot low to the ground. Tails hopped over it.

"Knuckles! Tell your kids to chill!" Sonic yelled.

"Are you crazy? I'm not the one doing this!" Knuckles snapped back.

"Then why is there a red baseball cap on your head!?"

"For the same reason there's a _blue_ one on yours!"

Tails reached up to feel a cap on his own head, and, suspecting he knew what color it was, took a deep, calming breath.

"Yeah, well, _my_ team is well-behaved," retorted Sonic, "so find a way to...huh?"

One of the blue spheres began to levitate as well.

"Tails, _look out_!"

Tails' ears tilted backwards towards Sonic's warning, but he didn't quite catch what the problem was until the blue sphere struck him in the back of the head. He fell forward onto his hands. Sonic instinctively tried to rush to Tails, but the luminous barrier held him back.

A buzzer sounded angrily, and one of the three green circles on the horizon dissolved. The fox jumped to his feet again, just in time to face the spheres as they continued to fly.

"Getting hit was bad," said Knuckles.

Tails bent backwards as another sphere whizzed by. "I concur!" he squeaked.

Sonic rolled his eyes. "You're not helping, Captain O **oonn your left, Tails!** "

Tails dodged. "Thanks! Keep warning me!"

"How long is this gonna last?" Sonic asked, keeping an eye trained on his own spheres' antics.

"We haven't - **jump, now!** \- seen this game before, so I have no idea." Knuckles replied.

"Ugh, I just wish we could do something instead of - **heads up!** \- being sitting ducks here."

"Maybe we - **floooooor!** \- can? What if he - **shimmy!** \- tried to run around this entire sphere?"

Sonic's eyes widened. He mouthed the word _no!_ and performed a rapid throat-slashing gesture.

Knuckles raised an eye ridge and then turned to the fox. "Tails, _can_ you run around this entire sphere?"

"It's a _toroid_!" Tails yelled, mid-jump.

Knuckles' expression went blank. "A what?"

Sonic facepalmed.

"This planetoid is a toroid, not a sphere," Tails said quickly, his eyes darting around as he watched and evaded the continuing assault. "It's a surface of revolution but more complicated than a perfect sphere. I know this because, one, they were toroids the last time, and two, I can tell from the irregular flow of the checkerboard patterns, as well as the curvature of the horizon. So I don't know that circumnavigating the toroid would be wise because of the chance that a sphere would loop around the smaller radius. Granted, I'm not sure if this shape is annular or - **ack**!"

The red (and perfect) sphere whacking Tails in the face gave him plenty of time to analyze the floor pattern from a far more personal viewpoint. After a moment he groaned and stood up, just in time for the buzzer to sound again. Another green circle faded from the horizon, leaving only one left.

"Knuckles, why didn't you warn me about that one?" Tails cried.

"Whuhh?" Knuckles droned, his eyes glazed over.

"Bud, he can't help if you crash his brain."

"Oh."

Sonic watched as a group of six red spheres levitated in Knuckles' region, apparently planning a blitz of some sort. Tails shrunk back, staring at them, trying to preemptively determine how they'd fly.

Sonic leaned forward, pounding his hands in frustration at the wall of light. It was impenetrable to his touch and yet, completely nonexistent as far as those stupid blue spheres were concerned.

His hands dropped to his sides and his eyes widened. _Blue spheres?_

The crimson ambush commenced. Tails bent sideways to avoid the first sphere, crouched to avoid the second, lifted a leg to avoid the third, flew upwards to avoid the fourth, dropped hard to avoid the fifth, and…

The sixth sphere was headed straight for him as he lay prone. He had planned to roll out of its way, but now he wasn't sure he could do it in time. Especially having noticed, from the corner of his eye, a lone blue sphere approaching.

"Aah!"

Tails tried to press himself more flatly on the ground. He scrunched his eyes shut, waiting for the impact.

The _sound_ of impact came shortly thereafter, but for some reason, the _feel_ of it did not.

"Huh?"

Tails opened his eyes again, and scrambled to his feet at the sight of another group of red spheres headed his way. But before they even came close, the lone blue sphere smashed its way into each red sphere in short order. It then uncurled into a smug blue hedgehog.

"Ha! Beat _that_!" it shouted with a fist-pump.

Tails simply stared.

"What," Sonic chuckled, "you didn't think I could occasionally do smart things?"

Tails shook his head. "Um...Sonic…"

"Aw come on. Admit you're impressed that I outwitted this dumb game."

Otherwise frozen in place, Tails lifted a finger to point behind Sonic.

The hedgehog turned to see the gloved hand from earlier. It had been impossible to gauge its size on the horizon, but now, floating ominously a foot away, the sight was enough to wipe the smile from Sonic's face.

"Uh...hi. About the 'dumb game' remark, I-"

One hearty flick later, and Sonic was back in his own region, also analyzing the floor.

Satisfied, the hand snapped its fingers, disappearing as the game started up again. The floor tiles began to light up in irregular patterns, not unlike the facets of a disco ball. Tails had the impression that some flagrantly outdated ambient music was playing as well, but frankly, he couldn't be sure of anything his mind was telling him at this point.

Meanwhile, a newly-coherent Knuckles had re-assessed the situation.

"To your right, Tails! One behind yo- _jump_! Rrrgh. Sonic, **get up and help me here**!"

"If truly free be stopped never through all that's happening," Sonic informed the tiles.

Several blue spheres took advantage of their fearless leader's nap and also levitated as a group.

" _Another_ ambush?!" Tails squeaked.

"I'll show you an ambush," Knuckles growled. He grabbed the nearest two red spheres in one hand each and, coldly ignoring their panicked wiggles of protest, hurled them through the barrier. They cleanly impacted the blue spheres closest to Tails, knocking them away. Tails dodged the rest.

Sonic finally got up and looked around. "Guys, was I beaned a bit too hard, or is there music playing now?"

Tails leapt out of a sphere's path. "Oh phew. So it's not just me."

"I think it's coming from the horizon," said Sonic, pointing. "Maybe go check it out?"

"So...you _do_ want me traveling?"

Sonic shrugged. "Might solve a mystery..."

"...or we'll be history," Tails added cautiously.

"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles yelled.

"A-woo-oo!" yodeled Sonic.

Tails and Knuckles slowly turned to look at him.

"Sonic… _why?_ "

"Dunno."

Knuckles threw his hands up. "We're trying to survive here!"

"Meh. Every day we're out here taking-"

"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles screamed again.

"A-woo-oo!"

"You're gonna make Tails do bad, and-"

"Good luck, Tails!" Sonic belted out.

Knuckles pressed against his wall, teeth gritted. " _Sonic. Stop. Singing._ "

"You're BOTH SINGING," Tails screamed, his hands in a stiff curl and jerking together as though he were trying to play the cymbals with two invisible coconuts.

Knuckles blinked several times. "I am?"

The colors on the horizon began to swirl faster. More writing appeared, and this time, there was no ambiguity in its vibrant, pulsing letters:

 **DANGER**

"Watch behind you!" yelled Knuckles, as the tiles near Tails began to collapse into a red void. Throwing his love of caution (and geometry) to the wind, the latter broke into a sprint across the playing field to stay on even ground. The sphere-filled regions followed, keeping him centered between them.

"Three o'clock, 'bout to blindside you!" Sonic continued. Tails slid under the onslaught from his right, then jumped up and continued running.

The tiles in front of Tails shot upwards vertically, as the ones behind him continued to collapse.

"What to do-!?" he gasped.

"Just grab onto some-"

Before Sonic could even finish his sentence, Tails had gripped a tile and gotten yanked up with it.

"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles yelled, beginning to wonder why he couldn't bring himself to vary his phrasing. Either way, it worked. Tails ducked his head under a sphere and earned another tonal hoot from Sonic.

Tails released the tile and dropped to an area of intact ground amidst the chaos. On the horizon, in one direction, a glow of light beckoned. But the floor tiles around him continued to shatter and fly. He dodged another few spheres and scanned the area rapidly for an escape.

He shook his head frantically. "Every way is out there breaking-"

"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles reminded him.

"A-woo-oo!" cheered Sonic, when the action was complete.

Knuckles pointed to a tiny opening in the tile/sphere hurricane. "Tails, be daring, through that!"

"And good luck, Tails!" Sonic yelled with a thumbs-up.

Tails screamed somewhat melodically as he squeezed past with barely an inch to spare.

"Not over, Tails," warned Knuckles.

"The bottom, Tails!" yelled Sonic, pointing to a tile under the fox's foot, about to crumble.

" _No!_ " Tails shrieked, flying upwards.

Sensing an opportunity, the spheres from both regions all levitated at once, then fired towards the airborne fox.

"DUCK, TAILS!" Knuckles and Sonic hollered in unison.

Tails flipped around in mid-air so he was facing the sky, then propelled himself downwards. He grabbed the only remaining tile and hung underneath it. A millisecond later, the sphere groups converged above him, exploding upon impact in a shower of sparks.

"A-woo-oo!" Sonic cheered.

A pleasant bell rang, and the glove on the horizon reappeared long enough to flash a thumbs-up. Tails hoisted himself up onto the tile as the floor began to reform itself and the screens of light dissipated. Sonic sprinted over to his younger friend, who had taken the opportunity to sit down.

"Dude! That was great!"

"Thank you," Tails replied flatly.

Sonic gave him a lopsided grin. "You're okay?"

"Once we get out of here."

The light on the horizon flashed brighter, then formed itself into an apple-sized, glowing gemstone that approached the trio from behind.

"There's the Chaos Emerald!" said Knuckles. "It's the-"

"Don't..." Tails quietly interrupted.

"What?" asked Knuckles. "I was just going to say it's the green one."

"Of course. Green." the fox mumbled. His tails snaked up and around his body like mutant ivy, half-covering his face as it began reddening. Sonic, having a sudden flashback to the time he had forbidden his four-year-old sidekick from analyzing the bombs in the halfpipe, quickly reached out to grab the Chaos Emerald.

The group disappeared in a green flash just as Tails' mouth flew open.

XXX

"ARRGH. Cubot!" yelled Eggman, yanking off a pair of headphones that was somehow stretched across the entire top of the Master Emerald. "When I said to 'keep an eye on' the Emerald, I didn't mean you should watch cartoons with it!"

* * *

 _Author's Notes:_

(Thank you Nina for the kind review!)

One of the disadvantages of writing a chapter around an external gag reference is that I run the risk of alienating entire demographics - in this case, particularly those between the ages of 10 and 25, and older than, oh, 40? I'd say sorry, but the official social media accounts have referenced DuckTales at least once, so I call canon.

And sorry yet again for the extended delay, but, well, life is like a hurricane...

 **Update 11/12/19:**

Eep! I honestly never expected to say this, but I got a piece of fanart! Many thanks to _catthyyours_ for honoring me with this hilarious image summing up the chapter:

[deviantart dot com]/catthyyours/art/DuckTails-820061024


	5. Carnival Night

Wowzers, this ludicrous story finally surpassed the view count of its predecessor! With that in mind...

 **Review gratitude:**

Cyan Quartz (twice!)

Cytisus (plus an abundance of kind support and a really cute Sonic 2 adapt. Go read it!)

Steelate

catthyyours

Thanks!

* * *

 **Carnival Night**

Most members of the feline species were hard-wired to land on their feet. Although no member of Team Sonic™ was a cat, they were at least well-seasoned heroes, which still allowed them to stick their landings. Usually. But this time, as a flash of light returned them to the corporeal world, each landed on his individual rump. None of them hastened as usual to their feet, opting instead to simply stare at each other.

"Did that actually happen?" Knuckles finally asked after an uncharacteristic duration of forethought.

"Ye...no...I mean..." Sonic started, then hesitated. After a moment, he reached behind himself and produced the green Chaos Emerald. "I guess?"

Tails stood up hastily. "You guys can get the other six, and I'll keep my logic."

In the darkness, a light flashed in mid-air, approaching the trio. As it came close enough, the heroes could make out a bat-shaped robot with a lantern torso. It seemed ready to attack, until a beetle fluttered past.

The bat began chasing the beetle, until the beetle noticed the bat's lit torso, turned around, and flew into it, getting electrocuted in the process. The bat chased the toasted beetle as it fell, then faceplanted into the ground.

Tails' eyelids twitched almost imperceptibly.

"Hey," said Sonic, throwing an arm around him, "logic says that you can always predict an illogical man to be illogical, right?"

Tails let out a sigh, then smiled up at his hero. "Yeah. You're absolutely right."

Knuckles smashed the bat between his palms as it bolted up again. "When you two are done bonding, we need to get a move on."

"Yo, if you want a hug, just ask."

"Before we continue...the earthquakes earlier interrupted our strategy," said Tails. "How much time passed in the Special Stage?"

"Besides the fact that it's night now, I don't know," Knuckles admitted. "Time doesn't flow normally in those."

Sonic folded his arms. "So Eggman could be far away with the Master Emerald, huh?"

"He's not," Knuckles said simply. "I can still sense the Emerald's presence somewhere."

"If only we had a more precise…" Tails muttered, before suddenly snapping his fingers. "Ah! The ocean!"

" _Where!?_ " Sonic squeaked.

"Uh...n-no, we're not anywhere near the ocean. I just meant that we know Eggman hasn't left the island. Because if he'd removed the Master Emerald, this island would have lost its power and hit the ocean."

"Oh."

Knuckles nodded. "You're right. The island isn't floating on the ocean, so... so...WAIT A SECOND."

Tails frowned. "There's something wrong with my logic?"

"No, Tails... your logic is fine. _Sonic's_ makes no sense."

"Dude, you're gonna diss me before I even speak, now?"

"Sonic, you're afraid of water, right?"

Sonic raised an eye ridge. "Whaddya think."

"...and you took the Tornado to this island, right?"

"Obviously. We couldn't have teleported without the Chaos Emeralds."

"Sonic. You had to have flown over the _ocean._ That doesn't bother you?"

"Oh," Tails said quietly.

Knuckles shook his head. "Sorry for making him aware, but—"

"Nah," said Sonic, smiling. "It doesn't bother me."

"...really?"

"Yeah. It _used_ to, but then Tails gave me a crash course on, uh..."

"Fluid dynamics," supplied Tails.

"That! Basically, if you take a super long fall into water, you might as well hit a brick wall."

Knuckles blinked. "So?"

"Duh. If I fell off the Tornado from that height, I wouldn't drown."

"Because you'd be **dead on impact**."

"Bingo!" Sonic chirped.

Knuckles abruptly walked off.

"Where ya goin'?"

"I need to find a brick wall to hit my head against."

"H-hey wait!" Tails protested. "We still-"

Knuckles stepped on an incline that was a little steeper and more frictionless than he'd reckoned it to be. Sonic and Tails watched as he awkwardly sprinted down what appeared to be an enormous candy cane, stumbling and yelling all the while.

"... haven't planned." Tails finished.

Sonic grinned at his sidekick before whooping and dashing down the slanted pillar himself. Tails half-sighed, half-laughed, then followed. While Sonic may have been a faster runner, the fox was grateful that the superfluous twists and flips his mentor was doing around the pipe's perimeter kept them at an even distance. Still, if Sonic was any farther ahead, Tails wouldn't have been able to see him in the darkness, much like they had already lost sight of-

Knuckles returned into view far too quickly, since he was now standing still at the bottom. Planting his hands on the echidna's shoulders, Sonic leapfrogged over his head and somersaulted his way to a graceful landing.

Tails slammed into Knuckles' back just as Sonic turned around casually.

"Dude, why'd you stop? Slopes like that are perfect for momentum."

"And suicide." Knuckles countered while lifting a smart, smarting fox to his feet, "Because as much as I _wanted_ to hit my head on a brick wall, I also _didn't_. Only a moron would charge at full pelt through this darkness."

Sonic snorted. "Yeah, whatever. Now let's rac-"

"Sorry," Tails interrupted in a nasal tone as he rubbed his snout. "But I agree with Knuckles."

"You've been doing a lot of that lately," Sonic pouted.

"He knows this island," Tails said apologetically. "And I really want to take a moment for planning, now that we're stopped. So...judging by that swirling pole, we're definitely at the carnival again. Next question is, if one Chaos Emerald got recalled to this island, are the rest of them here too?"

Knuckles nodded. "They should be."

"So we should try to collect them before confronting Eggman, since he has the Master."

"There's definitely one in this area," said Knuckles. "I can sense it."

"But you don't know exactly where?" asked Tails.

"No. I just have a vague idea of how far they are."

"The World's Biggest Dowsing Rod, ladies and gentlemen," Sonic muttered.

"I'm going to let that slide. Anyway, _Tails,_ the Warp Rings usually appear in well-hidden places. There are a lot of those here."

Tails frowned. "But if we have to manually search through all of them, and do it slowly in the darkness, we're going to lose a lot of time..."

"...and Eggman gets even more advantage," Sonic finished. "Why can't we just use the Miles Electric to find them?"

Tails poked a toe at the ground. "I lost it when we fell into Hydrocity. It stinks, too; I'd just developed some new image processing and machine learning algorithms that I wanted to test in the field. I have a firmware backup image in my workshop, but in the meantime we'd have to settle for whatever I can cobble together from robot parts."

"Ah, sorry bud. So you should start collecting-"

From seemingly nowhere, Tails dropped a pile of scraps on the ground.

"- _yeahnevermind_. Is that everything?"

"No...I have some standard ICs, amplifiers, an LCD panel, and an antenna, but what I'm really missing is a good power source."

"Power source," repeated Knuckles. "Can't you use the Chaos Emerald we found?"

"That's too _much_ power. It would toast the circuitry from the weaker bots we've seen. Come to think of it, the core of that giant octopus robot probably would've been great...had we not blown it up."

"And _good riddance_ to that creep." said Sonic.

"Of course," Tails responded soothingly. "Still, I wonder how it was pow-"

A bolt of lightning sliced through the black sky faster than Eggman's cake-laser through a frozen tiramisu. The visual spectacle was rivaled only by the resounding crack of thunder that followed within moments. Ears perked, and whistling in awe, Sonic stared at the sky as it fell dark again and the rumbling echoes subsided. He then cringed in sudden realization.

"Tails? You okay?"

"F-f-fine, yes," responded a bundle of bristled orange-brown fur that had huddled on the ground.

Sonic knelt down and gently lifted the tail that was covering its owner's face. "You sure?"

Tails stood up shakily. "Yeah, why bouldn't I we...ah.., w-wouldn't...wouldn't be I..." he stammered.

"Oh no," Knuckles groaned. "Not another basket case."

"Go jump in a swamp, Knuckles. Tails, what are the odds of ever being hit by lightning?"

"Approximately one in three thousand," the fox answered immediately.

"And were we close enough to be in danger?"

Tails took a long, deep breath. "Judging by the delay between the sight and the sound, it was a few miles away. I think it was a stray bolt. And it was targeted near the top of this structure, not down here."

"And besides, don't you _like_ electricity?" Knuckles pressed.

"Yes, and I have a healthy respect for it," Tails answered, his tempo increasing as his love for factoids manifested itself. "Did you know that a single lightning strike has, on average, a billion joules?"

" _Where!?_ " squeaked Knuckles.

"Oh, uh, no, not jewels. The _joule_ is a unit of energy. A strike is hotter than the surface of the sun and more powerful than a nuclear bomb."

"Ah..." said Knuckles, suddenly looking pale. "Is there somewhere to hide?"

With a crackle, the area stirred to life. Various poles, grids, and other features began to light up and rotate. Any doubts the trio might have had about their current location were quelled as soon as their eyes were assaulted by an excess of red-and white stripes, star motifs, and gaudy strung lights.

"So," said Sonic. "Either Knuckles is pulling levers on us again, or this place is powered by lightning."

Tails gasped. "Or the carnival was built to _collect_ lightning for everything else! That explains all these metal beam lattices!"

"And the _night_ connection," Knuckles added.

"Oh, lightning can strike any time of day," said Tails, scanning the now-visible scenery.

"Still," said Knuckles, "Back then, Eggman definitely kept raving about his 'carnival night.'"

Sonic laughed. "We've already learned to not take him seriously. He probably just built this place because everyone else kicked him out."

"If he's collecting electricity via lightning rod," Tails mused, "then he's got to have a pretty sophisticated voltage regulator at the front end… oh, it's perfect! We could use it so the Chaos Emerald doesn't fry my detector!"

Sonic turned to him in mock horror. "Are you, Miles 'Straitlaced' Prower, thinking of _stealing_ Eggman's equipment?"

Tails smiled. " _Borrowing_. Indefinitely."

Red sneakers scraped across the ground. "Let's race?"

Twin appendages roared to life like a boat propeller. "Let's race!"

A dreadlocked head shook in resignation. "Let's race. Feels like the Chaos Emerald is near the top anyway. Just stay in sight."

Sonic and Tails tore off into the park, followed by a grumbling Knuckles. As he ran, the echidna heard snippets of hooting and laughing. Eventually, he caught up to the two, levitating above an upwards-facing fan.

"Look, I'm _you_!" called Sonic, miming Knuckles' gliding pose.

"Uh-huh," Knuckles deadpanned. "And you, Tails?"

Tails stopped giggling, cleared his throat, and tried to answer with a straight face while hovering upside-down. "I was, um, testing...the aerodynamic properties...of this machine?"

"Good to know we're staying focused here. Can we move on now?"

"Oh yeah, of course!" Tails said, hopping off.

Knuckles looked up at a distant platform. "Think you can fly Sonic to that shortcut up there?"

"It's a bit high with a passenger," Tails said, squinting, "but-"

"But where there's a balloon, there's a way!" said Sonic, pointing at a nearby decoration.

Tails nodded and began flying up alone. Sonic jumped on the balloon, popping it and launching himself to meet Tails, who caught him at the peak of his boost. Knuckles climbed the wall after them.

When they were near the top, another bolt of lightning pierced the sky. Tails yelped and froze up, dropping himself and his passenger. Knuckles grabbed them with one hand and swung them into the nearest wall opening before jumping in himself. A moment later, a door slammed shut behind them.

"I'm so sorry!" Tails cried.

"Eh, no worries," Sonic answered quickly. "Race you out!"

Sonic darted off, followed by Tails, then Knuckles. But within seconds, the former two had both stopped in their tracks, staring at one corner of the room. There, rotating in-place, was a red-and-white checkered cylinder. Apparently levitating on its own, it blocked off what appeared to be the only exit, a small chute in the floor.

"Let's go," said Knuckles.

Sonic and Tails glanced at each other, then continued to stare wide-eyed at the cylinder as it rotated like a villainous argyle sock.

"What is wrong with you two?"

"It's just…" Tails said, choosing his words carefully, "we could never agree on how to bypass this thing."

"What, that barrel?"

"Yes..." Sonic said, also delicately.

"And the problem is...?"

Sonic and Tails simultaneously began talking over each other.

"I jumped-" "-kept springing back up-" "-he threw off my timing-" "-had to be a trick-" "-like _ten whole years_ -" "-sort of magnetic track-" "-so _close_ -"

Knuckles walked over to the barrel and gripped a metal beam above it, bracing himself.

"-I could have done it-" "-stood on it and _nodded_ -" "-had a mind of its own-" "-I just don't-" "-what even-"

With his free fist, Knuckles punched the barrel so hard down the chute that it disengaged from its invisible track and slammed into the level below.

"After you," he said.

Tails and Sonic both wheezed like fish taking their dying breaths.

"No? Alright."

Knuckles jumped down the chute, followed (eventually) by the other two, who hit the ground running.

The checkered barrel on the ground began to stir as the trio left.

Sonic darted past Knuckles, then turned around to face him, running backwards. "Where to?" he called.

"It's…" Knuckles began, swerving right and left like a distracted driver as he tried to sense the nearby Chaos Emerald, "this way!"

Sonic looked up the hill Knuckles was pointing at. "Way ahead of you!"

He sped off again, followed by Tails, and Knuckles in dead last.

"Hey, a spring!" called Sonic. He grabbed Tails' arm and jumped on it, a gaudy blue metallic lump with a star logo on top. They were launched up to a higher ledge with ease.

The "spring", a now thoroughly disgruntled clam-like robot, woke up, opened, and fired a spikeball at the nearest moving creature, which happened to be Knuckles as he caught up.

Taken off-guard, the echidna saw the spikeball at the last moment and dove roughly to avoid it. He landed on his face next to the robot just as it reloaded another spikeball in its cannon.

The next moment, there was a loud crunch as an equally-gaudy boot smashed the robot against the nearest wall. Grumbling, Knuckles climbed up the ledge and found the other two waiting for him in a slightly darker area.

"Yo, slowbro! Were you taking a nap or something?"

Knuckles stormed up to Sonic, fists raised. "If you could clean up your own messes-!"

"Wait!" said Tails. The others turned to him. "Um...where should we go next?"

Knuckles gave Sonic one last dirty look and then answered Tails. "You're right, we can't get distracted. I don't remember this section. Let me see if I can turn these lights on."

Finding one tile on the floor that was slightly discolored, he pressed it. Several neon signs lit up, revealing two distinct paths forward.

Knuckles gestured to a sign that read SHORTCUT with a big arrow pointing to one path. "Probably this way."

"No, wait!" warned Tails, "This carnival was built by-"

Knuckles stepped towards the indicated direction and immediately got sucked into a wind tunnel against his will.

"Tails, you need a new handheld _pronto_ so we can record this stuff."

"You're terrible. Let's go help."

The two dove into the tunnel.

"Hello!" called Sonic cheerfully as he rode the current up to Knuckles. "Did you know that-"

"Yes. Don't."

"Hey Tails, look!" Sonic continued, busting out his gliding pose again whilst zooming through the tunnel. " **I am one with the Master Emerald** ," he recited in his deepest voice.

"LISTEN YOU-"

Mercifully, the three were ejected from the tunnel before Knuckles could make good on the violence he was planning. Not-so-mercifully, the small room they were deposited into was completely lined with pinball bumpers.

 _dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding_

"Wheeeeeeeeee!" squealed Sonic as he and his comrades bounded and rebounded _ad nauseum_ in every possible direction.

"How do we get -ugh!- out of here?" Knuckles yelled over the abundance of ambient noise.

"Ow! Eggman must have -aah!- designed an emergency exit for himself."

 _dingdingdingdingdingding_ "-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-" _dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding_

"Sonic," Tails hollered, "some of these rooms were -ack!- flood traps last time!"

"-eeeeeeoo _ooo **oh**_."

Sonic uncurled in mid-air and tried to look for an exit.

"Maybe near the entra-OOF."

The hedgehog took a solid echidnaball to the gut and ricocheted around a few dozen more times before he regained his lost wind and tried again.

"There's a control panel near the tunnel opening!" he called. He steered his next bounce in that direction, and when he neared the opening, reached out and clung to the closest bumper's corner as well as he could.

Considering the fact that the wind was aggressively blowing against him, his fingers were waging a losing battle. And as soon as Knuckles came parasailing in like a flying squirrel, stepping off the hedgehog's head for support to grasp the bumper himself, Sonic fell off entirely.

He rebounded again and grabbed onto Knuckles. The echidna used one hand to hold Sonic by a foot, who in turn caught the airborne Tails with both arms. Knuckles then pulled the two closer to the panel as he braced himself against the bumper. Sonic stretched himself straight to hold Tails up to the panel.

Trying to not drop his multi-tool in the violent wind, Tails carefully pried the panel open and took a moment to study the rat's nest of wires.

"Mm, maybe these two? Or…"

"Not to rush you, buddy," Sonic grunted, his whole body beginning to wobble with exertion, "but…"

"Right…" Tails bit his lip and swapped two of the wires.

The wind immediately reversed direction, sucking up the three hapless animals. A few moments later, it ejected them back out onto the other side.

"Anyone got a pen?" asked Sonic. "I wanna add 'Got Barfed by a Carnival' to my résumé."

Knuckles watched as the hedgehog got up without using his arms, which then flopped to his sides like overcooked capellini.

"You really should work out your upper body more," he remarked.

"Yeah, and you should stop skipping leg day."

"My legs are fi-" Knuckles began, before his eyes widened. "The Chaos Emerald!"

"What's wrong?" Tails asked.

"It's...when we were here before, it felt very close. Now it's not."

"Do the Warp Rings move?"

"Or is your spidey sense a little motion-sick?" Sonic added.

"No! Someone must have taken it!"

Knuckles sprinted up the path not labeled SHORTCUT to another platform. Locating a large block, he shoved it to the side to reveal a small crevice in the floor, the perfect size for a Warp Ring. But the crevice was empty.

"It was _here_!" he protested to the others.

On a distant elevated platform, a towering cylindrical grid, not unlike a bugzapper designed for pterodactyls, lit up and began rotating.

"Is it over there now?" asked Sonic, not even bothering to point.

Knuckles' eyes narrowed. "Yes."

Clenching his fists, the echidna took a running jump off the ledge, gliding, bounding, and climbing his way over to the platform. The other two followed.

The glowing cylindrical grid was the centerpiece of the open-area platform, which, due to its height, provided an excellent view of the sky and the surrounding area. The grid itself was a sight the trio had seen before, but ...

"I don't remember there being carousels here," Tails said, confused.

Sonic cocked his head. "Me neither, but those horses do have mustaches, so there's no need to overthink this."

The mechanical horses in question rotated on a disc set at the base of the illuminated grid. Unlike most carousels, there was no canopy above them. Also unlike most carousels, one element of the ride was another clam-like robot. The carousel spun until the robot was facing the heroes, then the ride stopped.

The robot, larger than the horses it was among, stirred awake. Its shell opened to reveal a pair of glowing red eyes, teeth, and two massive spikeball cannons pointed at the intruders.

"Ma, we got another mutant in the house!" Sonic laughed. "Time to kick some-"

An item came plummeting down from the top of the grid, landing on the clam robot with a _CRUNCH_. The resulting cloud of smoke cleared to reveal the red-and-white checkered barrel from before.

Tails and Sonic screamed and jumped into each other's arms.

"Wh… how did it get up here?!" Knuckles asked.

Sonic coughed and rapidly abandoned the embrace. "Uh, good question."

The hedgehog stifled another yelp as the barrel began to animate. Spindly pairs of robotic legs and arms emerged from openings in its sides. It calmly walked off the top of the clam it had crushed.

Knuckles threw his hands up in exasperation. "What _is_ that thing?"

The barrel robot ripped off the top, star-logoed shell from the now-defunct clam, and strapped it to one forearm.

"It's a…" Tails began, unsure of how to proceed.

With its other hand, the robot pounded the grid beside it and caught a pinstriped pole that subsequently fell from the top. It scraped the pole against the ground, apparently sharpening it.

The fox tried again, unsuccessfully. "A…"

The robot leapt onto one of the carousel horses and popped an equestrian wheelie.

Tails' shoulders drooped. "...a _Carnival Knight_."

There was a long pause.

"You guys ever feel like our lives are just the batting grounds for one giant pun?" Sonic asked.

"With a silent K...of _course_ ," Tails said, shaking his head incredulously.

Knuckles groaned. "Why do people even _use_ silent letters!?"

Sonic and Tails stared at him for another extended moment, then turned back to the robot in question. It raised the pole, its new "lance", to the open sky. Deep red sparks shot up its arm.

"It has the Chaos Emerald!" Knuckles exclaimed. "What's it-"

A bolt of lightning struck the tip of the lance, joining with the red chaos energy and supercharging the robot. It then pointed the lance at the heroes.

Sonic shoved Knuckles to the side, then grabbed a petrified Tails and dove in the other direction. A blast of red electricity hit the ground where the group had been a moment prior.

"Stay with me, bud," said Sonic as he sprinted around the platform holding his sidekick.

"It's g-got the lightning rod," Tails managed.

Sonic set him down on the other side. "Take it easy for a sec," he said, before running back to the fight.

Knuckles was chasing the robot as it rode the mechanical horse, now free from the carousel.

"Give me the Emerald, you coward!" he yelled.

The knight abruptly stopped, raising its lance to the sky again and drawing another bolt of lightning.

"Now I've got you!"

"Knuckles, _don't_ -"

Knuckles launched himself fist-first at the robot, and got electrocuted on contact with it. Sonic sprinted up and dove into the echidna, knocking him away. They landed on the ground nearby.

Sonic groaned as he sat up, his ears still ringing from the shock. "Can we _not_ do that again?"

"Granted," said Knuckles, wincing. "Now help me figure out how to damage it."

The robot charged at them, and they scattered.

"Alright, zappy stuff gone," said Sonic. He turned around abruptly and launched a homing attack. The robot quickly raised its shell shield up, deflecting Sonic back with a loud spring noise.

Knuckles caught him. "So much for that."

"Joust!" shouted Tails.

Sonic turned around. "Huh?"

Tails ran up, carrying one of the cannon barrels that had broken off the clam robot.

"Maybe we need to think like a knight? Their honor code wouldn't deny a fair duel."

"That's ridiculous," growled Knuckles. "I'm not stooping to that level."

"Hey," said Sonic, grinning, "don't knock it 'til you've tried it."

"Oh, I'll do more than knock it. I'm _not_ playing knight."

"Great," said Sonic. "Then you can be the steed."

Sonic jumped on the protesting echidna's shoulders, and Tails flew up to land on Sonic's.

Tails held the cannon barrel out theatrically. "I challenge thee to a duel, O Carnival Knight!"

In response, the robot also held its lance out horizontally.

"Sonic, after we kill this thing, you're next on my list."

"Sure thing, Applejack. Now, CHARRRRRGE!"

Sonic kicked his heels against Knuckles' shoulders. The echidna ran forward and the mechanical horse did too.

Sonic did his best to brace Tails' grip on the makeshift lance. The weapons scraped side-by-side, leaving no real winner as the teams crossed paths. Knuckles came to a stop and turned around. The robot did the same. And then it pointed its lance at the group again.

"CHARRRRGE!"

"STOP KICKING ME. I GET IT."

The next clash also ended in a draw.

"It's not working," said Tails, "our weapon is too short."

"Is it still loaded?" asked Sonic.

"Yes, but it's not powered…"

The robot charged again. Knuckles did too, without being told.

Just before the collision, Sonic pulled out the green Chaos Emerald and jammed it against the loose wiring at the back of the cannon. The cannon exploded, knocking the heroes onto their backs as the spikeball fired out. The projectile impacted the robot, also knocking it off its mechanical horse.

"Yee-haw, I did a _science_!" cheered Sonic, wiping ash off his face.

"On second thought," said Knuckles, "maybe I'll bump you to the top of my list."

The Carnival Knight jumped to its feet. It raised its lance again, earning a bolt of lightning from the sky and a shriek from the nearby fox.

"Great," sighed Sonic.

The robot kept the lance raised. Lightning struck again and again, increasing the intensity of the red electric field already engulfing the knight.

"I think you broke the honor code," said Knuckles as the group ran to avoid the field, now taking up most of the platform.

"Faradaycage," Tails squeaked.

"What?" asked the other two in stereo.

"Current-takes-the-path-of-least-resistance- _get-in-the-cage-!_ "

The robot pointed its lance at the heroes. Sonic grabbed the others by a wrist each and darted towards the central grid. Finding a small opening in the metal mesh, the three squeezed inside the grid just before the robot fired an enormous lightning bolt at them.

The electricity struck the boundaries of the grid, but instead of entering, it rode the metal downwards and into the ground.

Sonic turned to Tails. "How did you know—never mind."

Outside, the robot crouched, dropping to a knee.

"It's recuperating!" said Sonic. "Now's our chance."

The opening in the mesh had shrunk slightly due to the heat of the strike. Sonic and Tails made it out cleanly, but the group's broadest member did not.

"Argh!"

Knuckles finally squeezed his shoulders free, only to trip and get his foot caught. Before he could pull it out, the grid illuminated with a red tint, and the carousel began to spin again.

The robot started to get up. It tried to lift its lance but was met with an airborne kick from Sonic. The lance flew out of its hand.

The grid and carousel at its base were now moving much faster than they'd been before. The rest of the mechanical horses came to life, jumping off the carousel and stampeding over to the heroes.

Sonic, who was about to make a dash for the lance, dove to the side to avoid getting trampled. "Where'd it go!?" he yelled.

Tails took to the sky, trying to scan the chaotic scene below.

"I'm fine, thanks," deadpanned Knuckles, who was still stuck by his foot and spinning along with the grid.

"One sec," Tails called back. He watched Sonic spindash through hordes of robotic steeds while the Carnival Knight made its way towards a spot on the platform.

"There it is!" Tails called, pointing to the robot's destination.

"Got it," said Sonic. He jumped up, bounded along the horses' backs, and pounced on the lance just before the knight reached it.

"Want it?" taunted Sonic, waggling it just out of reach of the robot, who began to chase him. He jogged backwards for a few paces, and then jumped up to ride the rotating grid where Knuckles was.

"Hi," said Knuckles, looking slightly green.

Sonic put the lance sideways in Knuckles' hands, facing the direction of rotation. "Hold this."

"'Okay."

Sonic jumped off the grid and behind the robot. Then he took a running start and kicked the robot towards the grid. Said robot received a lance directly to the center of its barrelled torso, courtesy of the echidna holding it as the grid yanked him around.

The robot sparked, causing the nearby mechanical horses and the carousel to go wild for a moment before shutting down. As the grid finally slowed to a stop, Knuckles released the lance and the limp robot skewered on it. Sonic helped Knuckles free his foot from the grid as Tails flew over.

"Awrright," slurred Knuckles, after flopping to the ground and dizzily getting to his feet. "Lez get the Emera'l."

Sonic snickered. "Whoa there, Nelly. I'm not sure you can walk straight."

"M'fine," Knuckles insisted, stumbling around like a drunken sloth. "Now gimme de Emwael!" he demanded of the only fixture left on the carousel.

"But that's a circus cannon," Tails said gently.

Knuckles dove forward and punched, landing headfirst into the cannon.

"Aaaaand he's stuck again," said Sonic. "I'll get him out. Tails, can you get the Emerald?"

Tails gave the checkered barrel a once-over, trying to find the best place to pry it open. But he didn't end up needing to. One of the mechanical arms retracted into the barrel, then returned holding the red Chaos Emerald.

"It hasn't shut down yet?" Tails muttered.

The robot slapped the Emerald into a slot on the cannon's base, lighting the entire thing red.

Tails' eyes widened.

"Guys!" he yelled, running around to where Sonic was, and trying to help pull Knuckles out. " _Get out before it-_ "

The supercharged cannon fired, sending three screaming figures flying until they resembled the other stars that peppered the night sky.

* * *

 _Author's Notes:_

I belong to the elite group of people who figured out the Barrel of Doom™ without consulting help. After only two or three timeouts.

As a STEM professional and a Tails fan, I'll be the first to acknowledge that my "Actual Science Threshold" is inconsistent. Lightning can't be collected that easily, and the acceleration required to launch yourself miles out of a cannon would be more fatal than hitting a wall of water at terminal velocity. But in case anyone is still reading after that last chapter, my internal hierarchy goes, in order of descending importance: humor, canon, then logic.

Fun Fact #1: "Straitlaced" is an anagram of "Tails traced". Not that it had any bearing on the story.

Fun Fact #2: Today is the 25th anniversary of Sonic & Knuckles. And it did have a bearing on the story; in addition to making me feel very old, it also motivated me to finish this chapter by today. Here's to hoping I can have the next one done by its 30th.

 **NOW LOADING . . .**


	6. IceCap

**New Year, New Me!**  
No, not really. I'm still the same goofy dope, but I figured six syllables was too much. So I changed my username from my favorite line in _Shadow the Hedgehog_ to my favorite song in _Sonic Unleashed_. Hope this doesn't cause too much confusion.

Thank you again to _Cytisus_ and _catthyyours_ for the continued reviews and support. And in the latter case, a fanart I linked in Chapter 4!

* * *

 **IceCap**

Dawn. The start of a new day brought new adventures and new chances. The sky finally began to lighten, its pallid lavender helplessly submitting to the brilliant orange-red that burst through the growing cracks in the celestial canvas. And as the sun started to appear on the horizon, so did three wingless (yet airborne) creatures.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that wasn't our finest moment," remarked Sonic, leaning back to relax on nothing in particular.

"I can't believe it," Knuckles growled, "We were _inches_ away from the Chaos Emerald!"

Angry though he was, the echidna was more than receptive to the subject change after the prior few moments of tense contemplation. In general, "Knuckles" was to "compassion" as "AK-47" was to "fairy godmother", but even _he_ had been silently hoping that there was no innocent wildlife in the drop zone of his lost lunch.

"Yeah," said Tails, brushing away his bangs after they slapped across his face for the umpteenth time, "but maybe we should take a moment to plan how we're going to land?"

"Mm, probably," Sonic agreed, scanning the moving scenery a mile below.

The air began to take on a cold, foggy mist, partially obscuring their view. Tails thought for a moment.

"So, we're just reaching the apex of our trajectory, which means we should hit the ground soon. And we really don't want to hit it at terminal velocity. The higher up we land, the slower we'll hit the ground. Is there any elevated terrain?"

"The tallest IceCap mountain is nearby," Knuckles supplied.

"Perfect," said Tails. "We just have to steer towards the peak…"

"Hang on," said Knuckles. With the other two perched on his back, he assumed his gliding pose, stretching out his arms and fanning his dreadlocks to create as much drag as possible.

"Talk about low-budget fli—"

"Sonic, if you aren't going to help," grunted Knuckles, "you could at _least_ contribute to the silence."

"Well, there's the peak," said the hedgehog, pointing as the faint outline began to show up in the fog.

"We're coming in too fast," Tails warned, creating as much reverse thrust as he could without spraining his namesakes.

They reached just above the peak, still going too fast. Knuckles grabbed a branch of one very unfortunate pine tree, causing it to bend uncomfortably before the branch snapped off.

"Gotta roll!" said Sonic.

" _Wait, there's a-"_ Knuckles gasped before Sonic broke into a spin against the other two, causing them to also roll into two highly undignified yelping spinballs.

The three balls hit the ground rolling.

And rolling.

And rolling.

XXX

"Chirp," said the squirrel. It translated roughly to _who built this snowman?_

"Honk," said the goose, meaning something like _I don't know, but it looks pretty good._

 _"_ ARRRGH," said the bottom segment of the snowman. It probably meant _ARRRGH._

The curious wildlife scattered as said snowball abruptly grew a red pair of legs. The medium-sized snowball above it popped out a pair of tan arms. The small, topmost snowball sported two golden-brown ears.

One arm suddenly pointed forward. "Ready? CHARR—"

A third (red) arm burst out, grabbed the arm above it, and threw its owner into the snowy ground. The topmost snowball fell to the side with a squeak.

Sonic popped out of the snow crater like a Whack-A-Mole™, then immediately bent backwards to dodge a chunk of ice pelted at him. "Wow. Ornery much?"

"There was a Chaos Emerald!" Knuckles spat.

"No kiddin'," Sonic replied, rapping a fist against his tilted head to knock snow out of his ears. "We ranted at length on the flight over here."

"At the top of the mountain!"

Sonic stopped knocking and looked at Knuckles.

"The one _you_ just rolled us down!" the latter finished.

"...ah."

"To be fair," said Tails, brushing clumped snow off his namesakes before it could melt, "We would have been injured upon landing otherwise."

"Fine," Knuckles humphed. "But all I know is, when that clown's involved, my life contains far too much spinning."

Sonic grinned widely. "No such vegetable, my friend."

"Anyway," said Tails, "does this mean we climb the mountain _before_ going back to retrieve the red Emerald?"

Knuckles nodded. "Might as well. Any crazed robots here are in better shape to be snatching Emeralds than that 'Carnival Knight'."

"We made a _shish kebab_ outta that thing," Sonic agreed. "It's not going anywhere."

"Hopefully no one else raids it," said Tails. "I also still wanted that voltage regulator."

There was a pause.

"The circuit thingy in the lightning rod that the robot was using as a lance." he explained again. "I was hoping to use it in the Emerald detector I'm building."

Sonic nodded. "Right, of course. Well, let's get some action in," he said, rubbing his bare arms. "I'm starting to miss cosplaying the Cookie Monster."

Knuckles gestured towards the peak. "It's faster and less windy if we travel through the mountain itself.

So saying, the echidna walked to an ice block on the mountain's slope and punched it open. He led the group inside with a wave of his hand.

The mountain's exterior had looked as organic and natural as any other snow-covered object, but Tails' breath caught when he saw the interior once again. The blue ice structures were illuminated with an ethereal violet tint, their crystalline patterns masterfully crafted. Some were hexagonal pillars, perfectly tessellated like a beehive. Between sharp angles lay the occasional sphere, perfectly smooth and defying the patterns it lay among. Tails had no idea if mystical forces were at play in the ice's formation. All he knew was that the area was breathtakingly gorgeous, almost musically so. It felt criminal to have gone so long without revisiting it.

"Knuckles, are you sure this is the right place?" Sonic asked suddenly.

"Yes."

"Are you really sure?" Sonic pressed.

" **Yes.** "

There was a short pause.

"Like...really, _reeeeallly—"_

Knuckles whirled around with a glare, then hesitated in confusion; there was no trace of mischief in Sonic's eyes as he and his sidekick took in their icy surroundings with reverent awe.

Somewhat mollified, the echidna downgraded his biting retort to an irritated sigh. "Yes, I'm sure. Why do you keep asking?"

"I just...it's weird," Sonic said, frowning thoughtfully. "I can't put my finger on it, but I had this strong impression that I was never going to see this area again."

"Well, get over it. I know this island like the back of my hand."

The mischievous gleam finally reignited. "Dude, I've never seen the back of your hand. Have _you_?"

"Of course I have, you idiot."

"No really, all I ever see are those goofy horned mittens."

Knuckles held a hand up, fist clenched, "horns" out.

" _These_ , hedgehog, are superior spikes."

Sonic snorted. "'Superior?' Sure you're not just jealous of _these_ babies?" he asked, gesturing to the entirety of his prickly posterior.

"Positive. I'll test them on you if you doubt it."

Tails' ears drooped. "Please let's not do any testing. How do we get to the top?"

"It's not safe to climb with the ice and crumbling snow, but thankfully, the Echidna clan had ice mining operations here, so their transportation systems are still in place."

Knuckles proudly gestured upwards at what resembled a steel cable car, except it was only half of one and there was no real cable. Instead, a chain linked the base of the car to the ice wall above it. Above the anchor point, by the same length as the chain, was another platform.

Sonic gave it a cursory glance. "Ah yes. These things. Y'know, sometimes I think your ancestors cared even less about personal safety than I do."

"They're not _that_ bad," Knuckles said, frowning.

Tails shyly raised an index finger. "Actually, by international regulatory standards, the guardrails should cover all sides and be at least twice as high."

"And one of the chains legit snapped on us last time," added Sonic.

Knuckles had already started power-walking towards the relevant ledge. "I thought you wanted to get a move on?" he grumbled.

"Alrighty!"

The group walked up the slope to where the car was.

"So," said Tails delicately, "I'm not quite sure what the proper use of these vehicles truly is, but years ago, we ultimately decided to just launch ourselves into them to get up top…?"

Knuckles sighed in resignation. "Yes, that is the intended method."

He walked over to the wall facing the car. "There should be a spring somewhere around here," he said, trying to scrape off the ice crust that had encroached on the area. "Ah, here it-"

The spring came free, punching him in the gut and sending him flying into the others. They hit the car, causing it to swing in an arc up to the next platform. It dumped the group on the solid ground before falling back to its resting place with a clang.

Sonic pulled his face out of the snow and turned to Knuckles with a thumbs-up. "Smooth ride! Does it have airbags too?"

Knuckles scowled at him.

Tails chuckled nervously. "Let's not rib him too much. I imagine these things worked better in their prime."

Sonic jerked a thumb towards some ancient echidna-shaped indentations preserved in a nearby ice wall. "They sure did!"

Tails' smile froze. "Oh."

"Hey Knuckles, did your clan have a dentist? I bet he made a killing on broken teeth."

"Your dentist will too if you keep that up."

"Brr. I'd tell you to chill, but the temp here just dropped twenty degrees."

"You're not _nearly_ as funny as you think you are." Knuckles muttered, continuing to plod up the hill ahead.

"Okay, Mittens. So where to?"

Knuckles glanced upwards at what looked like a wide elevator shaft some fifty feet in the air, then at the more gradual slope ahead.

"Up there," he said, pointing at the former.

Sonic looked up, then chuckled. "Do I look like a bird to you?"

Knuckles snorted humorlessly. "I just don't feel like dealing with you on another waterlogged path."

"Tweet," Sonic confirmed with a solemn nod.

Tails squinted up the vertical shaft to see a narrow extended platform near its base. "I think I can fly you guys to that," he said, biting his lip.

"Well, take Knuckles up first," said Sonic.

Tails nodded and took flight. Sonic jogged back to the edge they'd come from, then jumped off.

Knuckles' already-prominent frown deepened. "Has he gotten stupider lately?"

Tails was too busy flying, but a loud spring noise paired with a whoop provided the answer as the cable car swung up again with Sonic in tow. Instead of faceplanting this time, he hit the ground running and used the momentum on the upward slope to leap up the vertical shaft. Kicking off several walls and grabbing the narrow platform, he swung himself up just as Tails and Knuckles reached it.

"Show-off," Knuckles grumbled.

The platform curved into a half-circle at the end, like it was a question mark that had sprouted perpendicular to the vertical walls of the shaft. Stretched across the semicircle portion were two chains made of a green elastic. A small purple disc was suspended between them. Far above them, another identical setup protruded from the walls.

Sonic rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Yaaas. I love these things!"

"Out of curiosity," asked Tails, "what purpose did they serve?"

"Transportation," came the curt reply. "Let's just go."

"Fine by me!" said Sonic. He leapt onto the purple disc and trampolined repeatedly until he gained enough height to reach the next platform. Tails went next, followed by Knuckles.

"Very nice," Sonic cheered as he watched the echidna spring. "Elegant!"

"Don't you have more jumping to do?" Knuckles spat back, somehow managing to resemble a sulking child in a bouncy house.

"Kay!"

The hedgehog started noisily trampolining up to yet another spring setup. Knuckles landed on the platform beside Tails and waited for his turn.

"And yelling 'boing' every jump doesn't make you go any higher!" he hollered.

Tails turned to Knuckles. "Are you doing okay?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" the fox pressed. "You seem more angry than...er, I mean, n-not that you're usually...um...well you seem really stressed out and I just…"

Knuckles put Tails out of his misery by jumping on the disc as soon as Sonic was done with it.

Tails watched as Knuckles made it up to the next platform and exchanged a few gruff words with Sonic before brushing past him. The fox took his turn jumping on the trampoline. At the arc of one jump he heard a cracking noise and a cry of surprise. He swung his head around in time to see Knuckles fall from the platform. Sonic dove after him and tried to hang on by a loose piece of elastic, but slipped on the frost that had built up on it.

Near the lower platform at this point, Tails took one more jump off his disc, aiming towards the other two. Copter-caboose at full blast, he slammed into them and flew them back up to the ledge they'd dropped from.

"Thanks," Knuckles mumbled when he was returned to his own two feet.

"My pleasure," Tails wheezed. "What happened?"

" _The one time I go first..._ " Knuckles growled.

Sonic reached down to lift the elastic line, the hook of which had come loose from the platform on one end. "Well, another example of fine architecture."

"It's older equipment," Tails said quickly. "Not too surprising the tether point gave way eventually. The problem is that we don't have the tools to reattach it and, um, I..."

"Nope," Sonic finished. "You're not flying us the rest of the way up. If you blow your tails out, you'll be out of commission for days."

Knuckles looked up. "Well, we're almost at the top. We were just one jump away."

"Yeah," said Sonic, "so we'll have to find a way to get up there that doesn't involve climbing. There's too much spice."

There was a pause.

Sonic blinked. "No one's gonna ask?"

"I figured it out," Tails said.

"And I don't care," Knuckles added.

"Spiked ice," Sonic explained, gesturing to the walls lined with the quiescently frozen equivalent of a sea urchin parade.

"I said I didn't care. Also, I can't see the opening to the next floor. The ice must have grown over it."

"I suppose we could use the leftover elastic line as a bungee cord," said Tails. "But does anyone really feel like being an organic wrecking ball?"

He glanced at Sonic, who was grinning like an orthodontics patient.

"Right...please be careful though."

"You know me," Sonic scoffed, tying the loose end of the line around his waist.

"Ergo I'm asking you to be careful."

"Well, you know what they say: _ice la vie!_ "

Tails cringed. "That's...not how that phrase goes."

"It is now!" yelled Sonic, leaping off. Knuckles grabbed the end that was still tethered to the platform.

The line stretched, then sent Sonic flying back up. With the help of Knuckles swinging extra height in, he overshot the platform and peaked near the top of the shaft.

"Did you see the opening?" Tails called as Sonic dropped.

"Yeah, I think it's -" Sonic began before shooting up again.

"...there!" he yelled, pointing at one ice-crusted wall near the top.

"Brace yourself," said Knuckles as Sonic dropped again.

Sonic flashed a thumbs-up as he passed the platform, then curled into a ball.

Knuckles gripped one hand against the platform, and with the other arm, yanked the line sideways. Sonic flew directly into the ice crust, cracking it.

Sonic kicked sideways off the wall to clear the spike zone, and dropped past the other two. "One more!"

Knuckles whipped him into the wall again. This time it shattered and Sonic flew into a hollow room. There was a flash, and the line came back down again. Knuckles caught it. It was still tied in a neat loop, but without its live cargo.

"Huh?" the echidna muttered.

"Look out!" Tails yelled, pointing at a large chunk of ice about to come loose from the ceiling.

After a moment of thought, Knuckles ran one arm through the loop in the elastic and then grabbed Tails with the same hand.

The iceberg came loose and fell towards the platform. Knuckles dove off the platform just before the iceberg ricocheted off it. The elastic began to stretch, slowing Tails' and Knuckles' descent. Knuckles used his free hand to briefly grab the iceberg as it passed by them, causing the elastic to continue stretching.

The two shot upwards again, the extra stretch having given them enough momentum to reach the ceiling. Or in the case of Knuckles' mercifully hard head, to collide with it.

A moment later, the echidna began to fall loose from his impact crater with a woozy groan. The tethered end of the line finally snapped from its anchor, whipping upwards and slapping him across the face.

Tails winced and flew his partner the rest of the way to the new opening in the wall, setting him down on the nearest flat surface.

"Oh dear. Knuckles, are you alright?"

"Why. Why in the name of all things _green and fluffy does that hedgehog get away unscathed **whenever he tries a cool-looking stunt?!**_"

Tails cringed. "I'm sorry, but … wait. Where _is_ Sonic?"

"I don't know, but when I get my hands on him, I'll wreck his spiny little-"

With a bright flash in the center of the room, Sonic materialized out of thin air wearing a top hat, a flower lei, and knee pads.

"...what." Knuckles finished.

Sonic blinked several times. "Boy, are these getting weird."

"You hit the Warp Ring!" Tails gasped, snapping his fingers.

Sonic grinned and pulled the blue Chaos Emerald from his hat. "Abracadabra."

Knuckles stood up. "Great, you got it," he said in the calmest voice he could muster.

Sonic removed his adornments and tossed them to the side of the room.

Knuckles huffed. "So you litter now, too?"

"Eh," Sonic said with a shrug, "the penguins can use 'em."

The items glowed and disintegrated, rendering the argument moot.

"...right," Tails said after a short pause. "So now we can go back and get the red Emerald. What's the fastest way out of here?"

"There was a steep tunnel used for sliding ice blocks down the mountain," said Knuckles. "If I can actually find its entrance now..."

He walked around the room, trying to orient himself. In the ceiling near a wall, he pointed to a well-hidden cylindrical pillar.

"That's a good sign. Now we just have to-"

"Ha! These," said Sonic, walking up.

"Don't play with the traps," warned Knuckles.

Sonic reached down, formed a snowball, and threw it at the pillar, which then came crashing down a few feet in front of them.

"There, problem solv-woop!"

Another pillar beneath the two shot upwards. They dove off, narrowly avoiding being crushed against the ceiling. The pillars slowly retreated to their original positions, revealing a small opening in the wall.

"I _told_ you that was a bad idea!" Knuckles barked.

Sonic brushed the snow off his arms. "Yeah, it's no fun to be a pancake without syrup."

"Is _everything_ a joke to you!?"

"Of course not. The quality control on my chili dogs is no laughing matter."

Knuckles emitted a low growl, stalking up to the hedgehog. "You need to start taking things _seriously_."

"And you need to _seriously_ lighten up. Some humor would make you a ... _SHISH KEBAB."_

"... _what_? That one didn't even make sens-"

Sonic slammed into Knuckles, knocking him out of the way just before a candy-cane-striped lance flew past.

"Oh, no way..." Tails breathed.

The other two looked up behind them to see a large robot with spindly arms and legs, a metal star-printed disk in hand, and of course, a torso consisting of a red-and-white checkered barrel. Red sparks crackled from a crudely-repaired hole in the dead center of the barrel.

"Seriously," said Sonic, "how long is that thing gonna haunt us!?"

Beside him, Sonic heard something suspiciously similar to an evil laugh.

Knuckles raised his head to stare at the robot. "I've been waiting for this, 'Carnival Knight.' You're **mine.** "

Sonic turned slowly to him, expression frozen. "Uh, speaking of haunting, _you're_ scaring me too."

Knuckles charged forward with a punch. The Knight swung its shield to knock him back, then threw it like a boomerang. It sailed around the room, knocking large icicles off the ceiling.

As the heroes focused on dodging the ice barrage, the robot ran over to pick up its lance, then caught the shield as it completed the full circuit.

Knuckles honed in on the robot again, landing a punch on the barrel from the side. The robot tipped over but stopped its fall with its shield arm. It extended the other arm, electrifying it and the lance it held with familiar red sparks.

Knuckles reared back for another punch. The robot swung the electrified lance towards him at the same time. Sonic ran in and yanked Knuckles away before the two made contact.

"Hey!" Knuckles yelled.

"Dude, that would _not_ have ended well."

Knuckles shoved him off and ran towards the robot again.

Sonic sighed and watched. One red flash and two seconds later, a slightly smokey echidna landed by his feet. The hedgehog licked one of his fingers, then bent down to extinguish an ember trying to kickstart a community in one unfortunate dreadlock.

"Gonna let me help you now?"

"Ugh. Fine," Knuckles muttered. "If you're so keen on helping, where's your sidekick?"

Sonic's eyes widened. "Uh, _ix-nay_ on the _ox-fay_."

"What on the _what_? Stop playing games with me. Where's Tails?" Knuckles demanded loudly.

The robot, which had been stalking towards them, stopped suddenly. It counted to two on its hand. The third finger paused and then lowered slowly.

" _Knuckles_ ," Sonic hissed.

The Knight turned to look around the room.

"There, on the robot's back!" Knuckles said, pointing.

Sonic facepalmed. "Oh, for the love of taco salad."

The robot reached back to grab the fox, but couldn't quite manage it. It then opted to spin the barrel portion rapidly.

Tails tried to hold on, but soon flew with a yelp into Sonic's waiting arms.

"What were you doing up there?" Knuckles asked.

Tails shook his head dizzily. "Trying to reach the red Emerald from inside the hole, but my arm's not long enough. There was some wiring, though."

Sonic set him down, then grinned. "Alright, you know what to do."

Tails nodded.

The robot charged towards the group, lance and shield raised. The group also charged.

Sonic reached the robot first, dropping into a slide underneath the weapon zone. The robot tripped and fell forward. Tails hopped on its back again, reaching his arm into the gash.

The robot jumped to its feet and tried to reach the fox, only for Knuckles to punch it hard while it was distracted. It stumbled backwards, then regained its footing. It held its arm out, charging it with red chaos energy again.

Knuckles dove in for another punch that was blocked with the shield. Sonic ran up the ceiling then stomped down on the top of the barrel, disrupting the robot right before it could whack Knuckles with the electrified lance. The robot changed its swing direction and tried to hit Sonic instead, missing as he flipped over it and sprinted away.

The robot began to spin its barrel again, but Knuckles grabbed it and held it in place. When its subsequent lance-swing was interrupted with a flying kick from Sonic, it opted to shield-bash Knuckles into the nearest wall instead.

Before Knuckles could move away, the robot charged in, pressing him against the wall with its shield. It raised its lance, charging it more, while Knuckles struggled to push the shield off. He tried unsuccessfully to get sufficient purchase on the icy ground.

"Oh rats, get away!" Sonic warned, repeatedly spin-attacking the barrel in an attempt to dislodge it.

The robot spun the lance like a baton, striking Sonic on the next pass. The hedgehog hit the opposite wall and fell to the ground, momentarily stunned by the energy shock.

The robot turned its attention to Knuckles, who was still trying to push the shield off. It reared back with the lance. Knuckles' eyes widened.

"Look out!" yelled Sonic, jumping back to his feet.

There was a sudden snapping noise. The red sparks on the robot's arm flashed and died, then the whole arm went limp right before the lance could hit its target.

"Got it!" Tails called from the robot's back.

"What'd you do?" Sonic asked as he ran up.

"I disconnected its arm," Tails said, holding out a piece of severed wire.

Sonic laughed. "Savage!"

Aided by the distraction, Knuckles shoved the robot off in one concentrated heave. Breathing hard, he walked towards Sonic.

The robot rotated its barrel again, knocking Tails into the other two. With its good arm, it threw its shield at the group, then picked up its lance and ran in the other direction.

Knuckles pushed the shield off just in time to see the robot locate the wall opening they'd found earlier. It scraped the hole wide enough, then climbed in.

"Oh no, I am _not_ letting you get away again. I need my revenge," Knuckles growled. He picked up the shield and ran towards the opening.

"It still has the red Emerald," Tails warned.

"That too," said Knuckles, squeezing the shield through the opening, then jumping in himself.

Tails and Sonic jumped after him. The chute they found themselves in was steep, winding, and lined with perfectly smooth ice. Sonic briefly tried to run on the ice before realizing it was impossible. Stumbling, he and Tails barely managed to join Knuckles, who was using the shield as a sled.

The three rode the sled until the robot, sliding on its cylindrical back, came into view. Noticing the group in pursuit, the robot used the lance as an ice pick, taking a sharp turn around a bend.

With no such tool themselves, the trio slid in a wide arc around the bend, awkwardly launching up the wall before getting back on track. The robot's lead increased considerably.

"We won't catch it without some steering mechanism," Tails said.

Knuckles let off a growl as another bend approached and the robot took the turn effortlessly. The echidna punched a fist into the ice in an attempt to steer. It appeared to work momentarily, but as soon as the turn began to sharpen, the spikes popped out.

The sled roughly hit the outer edge of the turn again, and the robot disappeared from sight.

"NO!" Knuckles roared.

Tails bit his lip. "Your fists won't work. We need something longer and sharper, like an icicle? But it'd probably break, and-"

Knuckles' expression suddenly went blank. "Hey, Sonic?"

Sonic turned to him, confused. "Yeah?"

In one swift move, Knuckles caught Sonic's face with the palm of his hand. Ignoring the muffled shriek of surprise and indignation, he slammed the hedgehog spines-first into the ice.

Tails whirled around. "H-hey!"

With his new steering equipment, Knuckles executed a flawless hairpin turn that would surely have impressed Sonic under any other circumstance.

"Perfect," he said calmly while the protesting hedgehog continued trying fruitlessly to shove the hand off his face.

"Let him go!"

"Help me navigate first," said Knuckles, still steering.

At a loss for words, Tails threw his hands in the air, then finally gave up and looked ahead to locate the faint trail marked by the robot's lance. The tunnel began to split into numerous paths.

"Okay, sharp left," Tails yelled.

Knuckles steered the sled down the appropriate branch and the next several as Tails continued to point them out. Still, the robot didn't come back into view.

"Hey, look!" Tails called, pointing at a ninety-degree bend in the lance trail. It ended abruptly in a segment of crumbled ice and snow in an otherwise solid wall.

"Duck," said Knuckles. Tails crouched on the sled, and Knuckles steered sharply towards the wall segment. The sled crashed through the pile of rubble, finally slowing to a stop in a cave.

On the other end of the cave, the robot was trying to skulk away. Knuckles stood up and finally released his grip on Sonic's face, allowing the hedgehog to flop to the floor with a groan.

"Carnival Knight," Knuckles bellowed. The robot froze then turned slightly.

Knuckles stalked forward. "We never got to have that duel. Right here, right now, just you and me."

The echidna broke an icicle off a nearby wall and pointed it forward. The robot turned to face him fully. It straightened its body and pointed its lance directly at him.

Knuckles pounded his fist into the wall. A column dropped from the ceiling and crushed the robot in one smooth motion. The lance fell to the floor.

"That's my kind of duel," said Knuckles, chucking the icicle behind him and bending over to pick up the red Emerald that had popped out of the crush zone.

Behind him, Sonic abruptly sprung to his feet and stormed over, glaring daggers at his assailant.

" _Hey!_ What in the Flying Battery was THAT!?"

Seemingly oblivious to the fury rolling in waves off the hedgehog, Knuckles stared at his free hand as he flexed it open and closed. "You were right; your spines _are_ superior to mine."

Tails tried to suppress a giggle, but it escaped anyway, sounding more like a choked sob on the way out.

Sonic gave his sidekick a weary look. " _Et tu_ , Tails?"

"I'm..." Tails hiccupped, "I'm sorry, but you've... got a _mitten-shaped bruise_ forming on your face..."

Tan shoulders drooped. "Do I."

Knuckles finally raised his head, straight-faced. "You really ought to put some ice on that."

" **Mmrffgh-!** "

Sonic raised a stiff pointer finger in Knuckles' direction. There was a tense pause. Knuckles smirked.

And then the trio melted into laughter.

* * *

 _Author's Notes:_

Here's something I just noticed:

1) Introduction

2) Sonic hates wet stuff

3) Weird vehicle, painfully awkward driving arrangement, hostile terrain

4) Trippy dream sequence. May as well quote actual song lyrics.

5) Sonic, that does NOT go in a cannon

6) Sonic's face is purple

Which story of mine am I describing? Good thing I have to be original from this point on, huh?

One thing I've learned writing this story is that my motto is definitively not _Gotta Go Fast_. But fear not, I have every intention of finishing it whenever I find a free moment, e.g., Spring Break. The final few chapters are already almost completely written.

I was going to release this chapter during the winter, so I'm a little sad I couldn't hack it until March, but...well, even if I had released it two months ago, this was a pretty pathetic winter ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	7. Launch Base

**Reviews:**

Thank you to _catthyyours, Cyan Quartz_ and _Cytisus_ for keeping my review section alive! I can always count on you.

Ironically, this story had 1337 views as of this posting.

* * *

 **Launch Base**

Sonic stopped walking abruptly. Blinking, he reached up to scratch behind one ear.

"Wait a sec," he said, frowning.

The other two also stopped walking and turned to look at him.

"Aren't we going to the Launch Base?" the hedgehog asked.

Tails squinted as he looked over the horizon.

"The old launch base?" he repeated, eyeballing the distant, defunct machinery. "Why would we go there? Is Eggman launching something?"

Sonic shrugged. "I dunno, it just seemed like the next logical destination."

"Well, the Master Emerald isn't in that direction, and there are no Chaos Emeralds either," said Knuckles. "So there's no reason to go there."

The trio continued walking.

* * *

 _Author's Notes:_

APRIL FOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

:|

 _*cough*_

...I...I'm so sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time. No, Chapter 7 is not done yet.

My only hope is this: if you're following my fic closely enough to be mad at me for this harebrained stunt, you'd also have realized there's simply no way this pokey old author would've _actually_ completed a new chapter in a mere fortnight.

Anything that distracts you from world news is a good thing, right? And after a few weeks in self-quarantine, my weird ideas are just getting weirder. I do promise that the next chapter is still being written. But working from home comes with some extra hiccups and responsibilities, so I'm still not overloaded with free time.

 **All joking aside for the briefest of minutes:** I'm safe, healthy, and in good spirits. I hope you are too. Make sure you socialize remotely with family and friends and take solo walks out in the sun. Remember that someone cares about you. And if you're essential personnel going to work every day to keep the world running until the rest of us rejoin it, you're my hero(ine). Thank you, and my prayers to you all. One day at a time!

Alright. Back to work.

 _(Sorry again.)_


End file.
